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FARMER DOOLITTLE’S HOME. 











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Kansas Farmer 
in Politics 9., 




By^ 

NICK T. HXINT, 

Garnett, "Kas. 


■.e\< • 

■« 

■> 


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1899 

Hudson-Kimbeely Publishing CJompany, 
KANSAS CITY, MO. 





38870 


Copyright, 1899, 

BY 

NICK T. HUNT. 


TWOCOPJFS PECHIVEO. 





I.IST OF ILI.USTRATIONS. 


Farmer Doolittle’s Home Frontispiece 

In Dine for Office Page 14 

Dooking for a Place to Hide Page 20 

Deaving the Farm Page 80 

A Clean Shave Page 90 

Returning to the Farm Page 113 


% 



The Kansas Farmer in Politics. 


CHAPTER I. 

^Well, Jake, I have made up my mind to run.” 

^^Run for what, father? I don't understand you.” 

^^Jake, donT you know I am contemplating running for 
county treasurer? Several of my neighbors have been want- 
ing me to run, and I have been thinking the matter over until 
the official ‘bee’ has hatched in my hat and actually begun 
to grow. You perhaps are not aware of the fact that I am 
getting tired of the farm, with its monotonous routine of 
work — of feeding the pigs and milking the cows day in and 
day out, and at night having the katydids sing me to sleep. 
I want to get to town, and live where I can hear the band 
play of evenings and go to church at the big church where 
they have a pipe organ and singing by the choir. 

“If I can get the office of county treasurer, that will just 
suit me. You know I have lived here and paid taxes so long 
that I want to handle the money for about four years; and I 
am getting along in years, and this would be a nice easy place 
for me — just stand behind the counter and write tax receipts 
and take in and count the money of my fellow-farmers. 
There would be no expense to me, Jake — the county pays 


8 


TEE KAESA8 FARMER IN POLITICS. 


the expenses, buys all the stamps and all such stuff; and 
I think that by hiring a smart girl to help me, I can 
have plenty of time to attend to church work, and shake 
hands with the boys, and carry a grand smile on my face that 
will be a credit and an honor to my office.’’ 

^^Well, well, father! I must say that this is a surprise 
to me, because for several years I have looked upon you as a 
model farmer and the very essence of contentment. Why, 
father, just think of this fine farm, with all its modern im- 
provements — ^the large barns and handy pig-sties; there is 
the large cow-stable with two rows of stanchions that we 
built when we commenced hauling milk to the creamery, and 
the big hay-barn just completed, and so many other handy 
buildings and yards that you, with my help, have made. 
After so many years of toil to place yourself in a pleasant 
and comfortable condition in your old age, I must say I am 
more than surprised that you should consent to even worry 
yourself with the excitement and anxiety of a campaign.” 

Worry and excitement? Jake, you don’t know what 
you are talking about. It will be smooth sailing for me, for 
the Republicans have over three hundred majority in this 
county; and don’t you know that when Hiram Doolittle’s 
name is on the ticket, he will get not only every vote in his 
own party, but some from the opposition ? 

^‘And as to leaving the farm, Jake, you can take this 
farm and all of the stock except the sorrel driving team and 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


9 


the Jersey cow; that is all your mother and I will want, for 
this office is a big thing— my salary will be nearly two 
thousand dollars per year. Ha, ha! think of that, Jake. I'll 
soon be a millionaire. The county pays all expenses and I 'm 
nothing out— it 's a fine thing, my son. Of course, Jake, I 
think a great deal of this farm; and if I get this office, I 'll 
turn it all over to you, Jake. 

^^Yes, Jake, talking about this farm brings old incidents 
to niind : how nearly forty years ago I and your uncle Jake 
(my only brother and you 're his namesake, Jake) had some 
words about the old homestead in Ohio; and, Jake being the 
younger, I gave way to him and let him have it. But I felt 
very sore over it, and your mother and I loaded our few be- 
longings into a ^prairie schooner' and pulled out for Kansas 
and settled on this homestead; and we have lived through 
grasshopper years and dry years in Kansas, but — .thanks to 
old Kansas — she has stood by me. It is only the idle and im- 
provident and unfortunate speculators that decry the good 
name of Kansas. Stick to Kansas, Jake, and she will stick 
to you." 

^^Do you think Kansas better than Ohio ?" 

^^Opportunities are greater in Kansas; therefore chances 
for success are greater. Why, Jake, I was back in Ohio last 
fall to see your uncle; he still lives on the little old home- 
stead and works very hard to make a living, while here in 

Kansas we have doubled and trebled our wealth. I am glad 
2 - — 


10 


THE KAN8A8 FARMER IN P0LITIG8. 


rather than sorry that I let Jake have the old homestead of 
eighty acres, for I have four times as much land — my home- 
stead and the quarter-section we bought of Riley Smith. 
You know he was a great deal better at fishing and hunting 
jack-rabbits than he was at work, and he had to mortgage 
his farm, so we bought it, and we have paid the last 
payment a long time since. I believe it was in ’89, or some 
where along about that time,* I know it was one of those big 
crop years. You know, Jake, it was always my policy to pay 
when times were prosperous; and if I made any debts, it was 
when times were hard and the purchasing power of the dollar 
is increased, and pay when times are good and the purchasing 
power is diminished. 

^^It seems to me that I have been a pretty good success 
as a farmer, but I have never tried my hand at politics, and 
I want to see if I can’t make as much of a success of that as I 
have of farming; and I long to possess some of the honors of 
this good old county that I have lived in so long and helped 
to build up. Why, think of it, Jake! I have helped to build 
all the bridges and county buildings and all other county im- 
provements. I have paid taxes for over thirty-five years, and 
voted the good old Republican ticket all the time, and it 
seems to me that all I have to do to get the office of county 
treasurer is to ask for it, for all these years no one has 
questioned my honesty, and my other qualifications are 
sufficient.” . 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


11 


^^Yes, yes, father, I know all this; but I am afraid you 
will not have such smooth sailing as you contemplate, and I 
would much rather have you stay on the farm and spend the 
balance of your days in rest and ease.’’ 

know your argument is good, but I am not so very old 
— only sixty, and very strong for a man of that age; and as 
for rest, I can’t rest, Jake. Now this office ffiee’ has got such 
a grip on me, I can’t get free from it; I just feel the political 
enthusiasm boiling in my bones. Quite a number of my 
neighbors have been talking to me about the matter, and 
they tell me I am the man, and as election-time is rolling 
around, I am going to town next week to see the central com- 
mittee, or some kind of a committee that looks after the 
Eepublican party. But I know I will be all right.” 

^Terhaps you will, father, but I am afraid you will spoil 
a good farmer and make a poor politician. Nevertheless, if 
you are so determined, I ’ll help you all I can; but I am not 
very much of a politician myself.” 


12 


THE EANSA8 FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER II. 

This ended the conversation between Jake and me, and 
when Monday morning rolled around, I harnessed up the 
sorrel team and drove over to town, and, feeling pretty im- 
portant, I drove right up to the livery barn and put my team 
in the barn; then I went to visit the central committee and 
make the acquaintance of the chairman, and, on arriving at 
his office, I made no delay in stating the object of my visit. 

^^Mr. Chairman,” said I, ^^several of my neighbors have 
been wanting me to run for the office of county treasurer, and 
I have come in to see what my chances are.” 

^‘Yes?” said he. ^‘Let me see, what is your name? I 
can’t just place you, but it seems to me that I have met you 
somewhere.” 

^^Hiram Doolittle, sir, of Pickway Township. I thought I 
nearly everybody knew me. I have been a resident of this j 
county for nearly forty years, and have been very prominent \ 
in political matters, as I thought. Perhaps I haven’t met 
you before, but I have been, on several occasions, a delegate 
from our township.” 

^^Yes? Let me see; I can’t just get you fixed in my 
mind. It doesn’t seem to me you have ever attended any of 
our caucuses here — that is, you haven’t been a very enthu- 
siastic worker for the party. The treasurer’s office is one of 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


13 


the best offices in the county, and I think it should go to one 
of the old wheel-horses, that have labored long and earnestly 
for the party.^’ 

^^Yes, Mr. Chairman, I understand what you mean, and 
I think that should strengthen my claim, as I have been one 
of the wheel-horses of the party; but it seems that I have 
been working on the off side, and am not entitled to as much 
attention as the near horse. But I think I have pulled my 
half of the load, and I wish to go before the people of my 
county for the office of county treasurer, as an honest farmer, 
not as a versed politician ; and I think my claims are entitled 
to some recognition by this committee.’’ 

“Mr. Doolittle, I think I understand you, but there are 
so many wanting the office that I can’t make you any promise. 
But I ’ll tell you what I will do — I ’ll take you over and intro- 
duce you to Mr. Skinner; he is one of the greatest political 
wire- workers I ever met, and if anyone can do anything to 
help you along, he is the man. So come along, and we will 
go over and see him.” 

We then crossed the street to Mr. Skinner’s office, and 
my political pilot continued : 

“Good morning, Mr. Skinner. Let me introduce you to 
my friend Mr. Doolittle. He is looking up his chances for 
the office of county treasurer, and I have recommended you 
to him as one that can carry him throng if it can be done.” 

“Yes, sir; thank you,” responded Mr. Skinner, acknowl- 


14 : 


THE KAN8A8 FARMER IN P0LITI08. 


edging the introduction as he did so. ^What is your claim, 
Mr. Doolittle? It seems to me I haven’t met you very often 
at our political gatherings, and we have several aspirants for 
this office, which is one of the best in the county; they have 
been very prominent in political affairs and have helped get 
offices for a great many fellows in the last few years and now 
they are asking favors of the party, and I don’t think they 
ought to be ignored.” 

^‘Well, Mr. Skinner,” I said, don’t wish to try to beat 
or defraud any one of my neighbors or friends. Unless the 
people want me, I don’t want the office; I just want to let the 
people decide.” 

^‘Oh yes, Mr. Doolittle,” said Mr. Skinner, ^‘1 see from 
your conversation that you are not very much of a politician ; 
however, I will play fair with you. But first let me tell you 
that I am the political ffixer’ of this county — the regular 
political ^mogul,’ as it were — and if there is anyone who can 
do anything for you, I am the man. You see this line of men 
here? They all want to be county treasurer. You can just 
take your place in the line, and when we get to you, we will 
see what your chances are.” 

''What! this line off here to the right?” I exclaimed. 
"Why, my sakes alive! there are ten or twelve of them, and 
by the time they all get two or four years of the treasurership 
I ’ll be too old to make the race — or perhaps dead. Is there 



IN LINE FOR OFFICE. 



















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THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 15 

not some way by which I could get an expression of the 
wishes of the people?’’ 

‘*Yes, perhaps there is,” replied Mr. Skinner; ^^but the 
people stand a very poor show as against the ^fixer.’ I am 
the ^fixer’ and know just when to turn on the combination, 
and if you want any favors, they must come through me; the 
people are a secondary consideration.” 

^‘Well, Mr. Skinner, I must say this is very discouraging 
to me, and I ’ll not takp my place in line to-day, but will see 
you later.” 

Feeling rather despondent, and my political ardor some- 
what cooled, and my chances appearing rather small to get 
to be county treasurer, I got my team at the barn and paid 
my bill, which I must say wasn’t met with as good grace as 
it would have been when I came in earlier in the day. I 
climbed into my buggy feeling very despondent and a little 
bit out of sorts with the good old party, and, turning my 
horses homeward, I moved along at a fair pace, and on my 
way met one of my neighbors, Mr. Bliss. 

^Well, Hiram, where have you been to-day? You look 
tired and careworn. What is the trouble?” 

^Well, Mr. Bliss, I have been over to the county seat to 
see about running for county treasurer.” 

heard you wanted it. What are your prospects. Hi? 
You would make a good one.” 


16 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


prospects are not very encouraging; there seems to 
be so many ahead of me that my chances are very slim/’ 

^^So many ahead of you? I don’it understand you.” 

^^Why, there are so many lined up for the place, and it 
seems they are all ahead of me.” 

^^Oh yes, Hi, I see; you have been fooling with the old 
Republican party. Of course you can’t make it through that 
party. There are too many old hangers-on slated for this 
office and that, so that there is no place for an honest man to 
get a foot-hold at any of the offices. We have a new party, 
just come into existence, that has none of this red-tape busi- 
ness like the Republicans. We just let the nomination seek 
the man, and then run him. And, knowing you as I do. Hi, 
I think you are the very man it would be most likely to find ; 
you are just the man for the place; you would make a fine 
county treasurer.” 

^^Mr. Bliss, what do you call your party?” 

“The People’s party or Pop parity. It is just the stuff. 
We are going to put Mary Lease and hundreds of other good 
speakers in the field and carry every county in the State this 
fall; and if you join our party, we will elect you county 
treasurer with a whoop.” 

“That is what I want, Mr. Bliss, but I don’t just know 
about leaving the good old party, although I must confess I 
feel very sore over the treatment I received to-day.” 

“Certainly; and you will always receive just such treat- 


THE KAH^AS FARMER IN POLITICS. 17 

ment. Come right along with us, Hi. Our motto is: 
^Equality to all; favors to none.’ ” 

^‘Well, I declare, you do encourage me, and I feel a little 
more hopeful; but I must consult my son Jake about such a 
move.” 

^^Yes, there is Jake; just bring him right in with you. 
Hi. We want to make a clean sweep.” 

^Well, I don’t know whether Jake will want to leave 
the good old party or not; but we will talk the matter over. 
So good-day, Mr. Bliss.” 

When I arrived home, Jake was anxiously waiting to 
hear what luck I had met with. 

^‘Well, father; what success have you had to-day?” 
was very much discouraged at town. The central 
committee gave me very little encouragement; but on my 
way home I met Neighbor Bliss, and he tells me that if I 
want to be county treasurer, they have a new party that will 
sweep everything clean this fall, and he advises me to join 
them.” 

^^Oh hush, father; don’t talk of going off with old man 
Bliss’ party, for he has been in all of the different political 
parties that ever existed since I can remember, and I don’t 
think you want to endorse the principles of the Pop party.” 

^^Well now, Jake, I don’t just know about endorsing all 
of their principles, but I think, as this is an off year and 
there are no very important principles to be fought for, I 


18 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


would be justified in trying to get the office through their 
party; but I must confess that I feel some misgivings in the 
matter, and I think, Jake, we had better keep this a secret 
until I can see about it. I will go in and see the Populist 
committee to-morrow. 


TEE FARMER IN POLITICS, 


19 


CHAPTER HI. 

In accordance with the above resolution, I hitched up 
my sorrel team and drove in to interview the Populist com- 
mittee, and, on arriving in town, I at once wended my way to 
the office of the chairman. 

^^Good-morning, Mr. Chairman. I have been informed 
by my neighbor, Mr. Bliss, that you have a new reform party 
that you call the People’s party, or Pop party, and as I want 
to be county treasurer of this county, I have been instructed 
to see you and see what my chances are for securing the 
nomination.” 

^^Yes? What is your name? It seems to me I have 
seen you somewhere.” 

^Why, my name is Hiram Doolittle, of Pickway Town- 
ship. I thought everybody knew me ; I have been a resident 
of this county for nearly forty years. As I said, Mr. Bliss 
informed me that you had none of this red-tape business like 
the Republicans; that: is, a man didn’t have to line up and 
wait eight or ten years before he could secure a nomination ; 
that your party just let the nomination hunt the man, and 
that is the one you run on your ticket. Is that a fact, Mr. 
Chairman?” 

^^Most assuredly it is, Mr. Doolittle; that is the only fair 
and honest way that nominations can be secured, and it is 


20 


TEE KAESA^ FARMER IN POLITICS, 


our object to run this new party in the interest of the people 
and free from any party bosses or wire- workers. We have 
secured the services of Mrs. Mary Lease and other speakers 
to talk to the good people of this county and cultivate pure 
brotherly love (and sisterly love, too, for thait matter) among 
the people.’^ 

^^Well, Mr. Chairman, your argument rather strikes me 
as being very good and I am kind of leaning that way, al- 
though I have been a Republican all my life.’’ 

know, but we expect to get voters from all the old 
parties — just select the good material from all parties to 
form this party, by the people and for the people, as its name 
signifies.” 

^^That sounds very nice, Mr. Chairman, but where shall 
I get that the office would be most likely to find me, for I am 
very anxious to be found.” 

^^Just hide out somewhere near here where you think it 
would be most likely to find you.” 

^^All right; thank you. You bet I will hide close; so here 
goes to hide where I can be found very easily.” 

But, kind reader, you can only imagine my sad disap- 
pointment, for I found all the hiding-places within a radius 
of several miles full of fellows already hid, waiting for the 
office to find them. Even my good neighbor Bliss was sitting 
in the grass, sticking his head out, trying to be found early in 
the campaign. So I didn’t hide; and, as I had not taken my 



LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HIDE. 












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THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


21 


place in the Republican ranks, I felt as though my aspira- 
tions were all in vain. Feeling very, very disappointed and 
sad, I got my sorrel team out of the livery barn, vowing that 
Hiram Doolittle would not be so extravagant again as to put 
his team in the livery barn; no, sir! I bring my own oats and 
hay after this. As I neared home my disappointment in- 
creased, and I felt very much humiliated to have to face 
Jake and tell him the result of my mission. When I arrived 
at home, I was sick. The hired man took care of the team, 
and Jake came in to see what was the trouble with me. My 
j wife, Mandy, thought I had caught cold, so she bathed my 
I feet and rubbed my throat and breast with coal-oil, but I 
! grew worse all the time; however, notwithstanding my con- 
I dition, I finally mustered up courage to relate to Jake the 
I sad disappointment of the day, and Jake, like a good fellow, 
I came to my rescue. 

^Well, father, I have objected to you running for office 
i all the time, more especially in trying to secure the office by 
) going into the Pop party. I would much rather see you rest 
‘ in your declining years; however, if nothing else will do you, 
I will lend you all the assistance and advice I can, which is 
: not very much, as I am not much of a politician; but my first 
advice is: stick to the good old party, for, with all its faults, 
it possesses more good points than all the other parties 
combined.’’ 

^Wery true, Jake, and I have always stood right up to 
^ — 


22 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


the rack, except this one little break, and we will jusit keep 
this quiet; but I fail to see how I am going to get the office 
in the Kepublican party. There are so many ahead of me in 
the line for nomination.’’ 

^Well, father, those are difficulties that perhaps it will 
require a little strategy to overcome, and I would suggest to 
you that you go to Mr. Skinner and see if he can’t help you 
out.” 

have seen him, and he didn’t give me very much 
encouragement, and I don’t just like that way of coming 
before the people and asking for their suffrage.” 

^^Very well, father; I think that is the best in a general 
way, but, under the present circumstances, I think you had 
better hire him to help you out.” 

^‘What do you mean, Jake? Do you think I would buy 
my way in ?” 

^^Well, not just in those terms, father; but you know if 
you get very sick, you employ a doctor; and if you get into 
trouble, you hire a lawyer to help you ouit; and if you go into 
politics, why not get a politician to help you out? Besides, 
when I was at school, I remember hearing the local poli- 
ticians say what a great help a little money was in a political 
campaign.” 'j 

^^Hush, Jake; you have said enough; your words have 
brought back new political life to my body; I feel its electri- 
cal influence coursing down my spine. Yes, yes, Jake, that 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


23 


is a new idea, and I feel better; get me a chair and I ’ll get up, 
I feel so much better; but I tell you, those two disappoint- 
ments very nearly knocked me out. Now I am feeling 
comfortable, I will be a very attentive listener while you out- 
line your plans.” 

^‘Well, father, the best thing I think for you to do is to 
see this Mr. Skinner, and in a nice way make known to him 
that you are in a position to put a little money into this 
campaign, and he will fix things for you. He will write the 
prescription and give directions for taking, and all you will 
have to do is to get it filled and pay the bill, and take accord- 
ing to directions, and I think he will pull you through all 
right.” 

^Well, your plan rather strikes me, although I didn’t 
think of trying to get the office that way. I wanted to go 
before the people as the one honestly selected from the peo- 
ple as their candidate for the office; but, as it seems impos- 
sible to do that, I can try your plan, for you know, Jake, 
mother and I have been saving up our money for several 
years, until I think we have about two thousand dollars hid 
away in ithe old bearskin trunk in the closet, and this is an 
opportunity to use part of it to good advantage. I think by 
morning I will feel able to drive in and see how this proposi- 
tion strikes him. Mercy sakes alive! how your conversation 
has helped me!” 


24 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER IV. 

So in the morning early I had the sorrel team driven 
around to the door, and I pulled out for itown, feeling very 
well and in fine spirits; so good, in fact, that I again ignored 
my old resolution and drove direct to the livery barn and put 
my team up, but with slight misgivings when I thought of my 
past experience. I marched straight to headquarters, where 
I met Mr. Skinner, whose reception was a little cold; but I 
had my nerve with me this time, and rather felt as though I 
would meet with some success, and I opened the battle at 
once. 

^Well, Mr. Skinner, how are my chances growing?” 

^^Your chances? Why, I thought you were clear off the 
track. You didn^t say whether you would line up or not, 
and I haven’t given your case any further consideration.” 

^‘That is where you are off, my friend; I never have 
entirely abandoned the idea of running if I could only get a 
good fair start, and I tell you that I am in dead earnest about 
this matter. You know I have always voted her straight 
and have endorsed all the important principles of the good 
old party, and I still have an abiding faith in the party as the 
party of progress.” 

^Well, Mr. Doolittle, haven’t you been a little shaky 
here of late?” 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS, 


25 


^^Well, no; I can’t just say that I have or haven’t. Of 
course I have reconnoitered their camp a little, but really I 
had no idea of joining them. I just wanted to see what 
kind of campaign thunder they were loaded with. I find a 
great many old political guns in their lines, but they are 
most all old material that has been discharged by other 
parties as of no particular value except to make a big noise 
in the cry for political reformation, and I think they have 
plenty of material in their own ranks to practice on. Let 
me tell you, Mr. Skinner, their main object is to capture the 
offices of the county, and that is what is the matter with me; 
I want the county treasurer’s office, and I will spend a little 
money to get it if it is necessary.” 

‘^Money, did you say?” 

^‘Yes, sir, money; I have a couple of thousand laid away, 
and I am so interested in this campaign in my own behalf 
that I will spend a little of it in the fight.” 

''Well, well. Hi, how you do rattle off campaign talk! I 
am particularly interested in your last sentence; I tell you. 
Hi, that strikes us.” 

"Well, Mr. Skinner, you do seem interested in my behalf, 
and it seems to me that I can feel a small tremor of success 
pass over my body.” 

"Success? Surely your prospects are growing brighter, 
and that very fast [Oh my! how he is warming up!]; and I 
must say I am getting very much interested in your behalf, 


26 tee K AES as farmer IN POLITICS. 

and will tell you how it is. We are a little short on cam- 
paign funds. You see, there are the other county officers — 
county clerk, register of deeds, sheriff, and some smaller of- 
ficers, and all of those fellows have hardly recovered from 
their former campaigns and are in poor shape financially to 
carry on a county campaign, and one of the most essential 
points to success in this matter is plenty of money to grease 
the political wheel. It seems to make it roll much easier. 
The facts in the matter are, we are very much in need of a 
little cash just now; 1 know where I could use a little money 
to good advantage in shaping things up in a few of the out 
townships — put a little more enthusiasm into the boys, as it 
were.’’ 

^^Just so, my friend; how much (putting my hand in my 
pocket) do you need to-day?” 

^^Oh, about fifty dollars I guess will do just now.” 

^^All right; that does seem a little stiff for a starter, but 
here are five tens of good old Lincoln bills that I received for 
the last load of hogs that I hauled to town. I give it freely, 
for I feel that it is only making an investment in a little of- 
ficial stock that pays a good dividend on the capital. Now, 
Mr. Skinner, I don’t want any misunderstanding between us 
in this deal; you know there are several candidates out for 
the nomination, and perhaps several of them are more promi- 
nent in political circles than I am and have a better pull on 
the party, that may be pretty hard to overcome.” 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


27 


‘‘I understand all of that, Hi, and I know enough to stay 
by the man that has the money; I am on to my job. Hi, 
and don’t you forget it. Of course this is just between us, 
now, remember. And I will say now that you are getting 
up very close to the head of the line. There is only one or 
two that stands as good a show as you do. I will see the 
committee to-night and plead your case with them, and I be- 
lieve we can work it all right, for you are a good fellow. Hi. 
Let me take you around and get you acquainted with the 
boys.” 

So he took my arm and we went out to see the boys. 
Billy Skinner and I, arm in arm, walked up and down the 
streets, shaking hands with the boys; and I must say we met 
several very fine fellows, among the number Mr. Gaff, one of 
the leading bankers in our town and a good Christian, be- 
longing to the same church as I do. He seemed to take a 
great interest in me right from the start. It may have been 
in the way Billy introduced me. 

Excuse me, kind reader, for leaving off all formality and 
speaking of Mr. Skinner as “Billy,” for we were “pat” on this 
deal, and it was “Billy” and “Hi” or “Billy and I.” 

We walked right to Mr. Gaff’s bank, and a very nice 
young man with his hair parted in the middle came forward 
and wanted to know what he could do for us. 

“We want to see the cashier,” said Billy. 


28 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


“All right, step right in here; Mr. Gaff is in his private 
office,’’ said the clerk, ushering us into his presence. 

“Good-morning,” said Billy; “let me introduce you to 
Mr. Doolittle, of Pickway Township ; he is a candidate for the 
nomination to the office of county treasurer; a No. 1 man, Mr. 
Gaff, and a walking Klondike; he has plenty of the stuff that 
makes the political wheel roll.” 

“Glad to meet you, Mr. Doolittle; I wish you may have 
all success in your new undertaking. Have a seat; I want to 
talk with you confidentially. [My! the confidence these 
fellows seem to have in me!] You haven’t done very much 
business with us; where do you do your banking? From 
what my friend Mr. Skinner says, you must have means, and 
I feel a great interest in you and will help you all I can-, and 
would like to have your business in return.” 

“Well, yes, I have some little wealth; though I never 
have felt overburdened with money. I have a very fine 
farm, well-improved, plenty of stock, and about two thousand 
dollars in the old bearskin trunk in the closet, and — ” 

“My God! man, you don’t mean to say you have two 
thousand dollars in your house? Why that is very danger- 
ous; there are plenty of men in this country that would 
murder you and your whole family for half that amount, if 
they had any idea you had it in your house. I advise you to 
bring it in and deposit it at once. Our safe is burglar-proof 
and we would be glad to have your business, and I think we 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


29 


can help you in the campaign — that is, in securing the nomi- 
nation, which for a man of your standing is equivalent to 
election in this county. It will be a great pleasure ito me to 
see you become a resident of our town. You don’t know how 
much good a man of your wealth can do in a town like this. 
You would be a great help in our church, you see, by taking 
an active part in pushing the good work along. Yes, sir, we 
want to count you as one of our members. 

“Well, Mr. Gaff, I do say it seems a little dangerous, 
since you mention it, to keep my money in the house, but I 
had never felt the least bit uneasy. I just kept selling hogs 
and cattle and laying the money away without the least 
thought of danger, and I have felt a little shaky of banks — 
not on account of the safes altogether, but I read so much 
about different banks failing, and in most cases the safe is 
all right, only empty. Then again, I read of robbers holding 
up the cashier and robbing the bank; that is because they 
think there is money there; but it would require a robber 
with a great deal of gall to rob a Kansas farmer after the 
Pops have so thoroughly ventilated his finances and heralded 
his deplorable condition all over the country. No, sir; if the 
Cooks or Daltons should invade Kansas, they would never 
suspect a Kansas farmer of having any stuff about his house; 
and in this have I placed my confidence. But now I am 
about to venture in a new field, and perhaps it would be very 
well for me to make a little change and put my money on 


30 


THE KAHEAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


deposit in the bank so it would be handy, as I am thinking of 
using a little of it in the campaign — that is, Billy will want 
a little to use in my behalf.’’ 

^^Just so. Brother Dolittle, and we want to count you 
among our customers, and I think I can give you quite a push 
in your political venture and also look after your social inter- 
ests in the city when you are elected. I think you will be- 
come one of the leading men of our church, as you are likely 
to hold one of the best offices in the county. It will put 
you in a position to give us a great deal of help, both spir- 
itually and financially, that will be appreciated by the 
congregation.” 

^Well, Mr. Gaff, that is my wish; you seem such a fine 
fellow and a brother in the church, you have my confidence. 
I feel that my money will be perfectly safe in your hands and 
feel sure you are a man that w’^ould not speculate with the 
funds of the bank or depositors, and when I am in town again 
I will deposit my wallet with you.” 

‘‘Thank you. Brother Hi. I shall always endeavor to 
maintain your confidence. I do not speculate, neither do I 
permit anyone connected with the bank to do so if I can pre- 
vent it. Speculation is very dangerous, and it is my inten- 
tion to make this one of the most substantial banks in the 
county ; in fact, it is now, and I intend to maintain its reputa- 
tion. Your money will be perfectly safe, I assure you.” 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


31 


After making a few purchases and reminding Billy 
again in reference to seeing the committee at once, I secured 
my team, settled my livery bill with good grace and a sense 
of liberality, and started for home filled with an electrified 
feeling that is beyond my power to describe, and soon arrived 
at home in good shape with a broad smile on my face. 


32 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER V. 

^What success to-day, father?’’ said Jake. 

^What success? Why, Jake, this has been a big day 
with me. I feel twenty years younger. I tell you, Jake, 
your advice was good. Money is the key that unlocks the 
political door and lets one behold the mysteries within. I 
didn’t know I had so many good friends in town; but I tell 
you, Jake, those fellows are very much interested in my 
political aspirations. Billy knows all about how to fix 
things. I tell you, he is a sharp one in that line, and he is 
going to help me get the nomination; and if I get the nomina- 
tion in this county, I am sure of election, for the Republicans 
have a large majority and I think I am certain of several 
votes from the opposition. I am feeling good over to-day’s 
work.” 

^Wery well, father; I am glad you have met with some 
success, but you want to look a little out; there are a great 
many tricks in politics, and you don’t want to let those 
fellows deceive you and trade you off on convention day for 
someone with greater political influence. You are in the 
race now, and you want to be careful and be on hand at the 
home stretch and go under the wire a neck ahead.” 

^‘Don’t be uneasy about that, Jake, for I have Billy 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


33 


Skinner with me, and woe be to the man that is against us/’ 

^^Very well, father; don’t be too confident.” 

After eating and enjoying a hearty supper, I soon retired 
to rest from the excitement of the day; but my sleep was 
disturbed by dreams of burglars entering my house to rob 
me, and of delegations coming in, some for and some against 
me; however, I always dreamed that Billy pulled me through 
* 11 right. 

After a somewhat restless night, on the following morn- 
ing I again drove to town to have another interview with 
Billy, and he met me with a very encouraging countenance. 

“Good-morning, Hi. I am very glad to see you, for I 
have good news for you this morning. We had a secret cau- 
cus last night, and I submitted your case to the committee 
and informed them what you could do for us in a financial 
way, and it seemed to work like a charm. Of course there 
will be two or three other candidates for the nomination, and 
as a matter of courtesy we must leave the impression with 
them that their chances are good, v/hen the facts in their case 
are, they have been in politics till their pockets have run dry, 
and what we want is new men with money.” 

“I am your huckleberry.” 

“As I was saying, we want men with money, so that we 
can carry on this campaign in good shape; there are so many 
ways in politics in which money can be used to good 
advantage.” 


34 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


suppose there are, but I am no politician ; I am leaving 
my case all with you, Billy, and I feel confident you are capa- 
ble of managing it all right/^ 

^Well, the first thing to do is to get the townships in 
shape for the convention. I shall first see some of my confi- 
dential friends in each township and get the primaries fixed ; 
have them to sound the delegates and see to it that there is 
no delegate named that we can’t handle on the day of the 
convention.” 

^‘That is very nice talk, Billy, but there are men in those 
townships that may favor other candidates and want to have 
a hand in the naming of the delegates to the convention, and • 
select them from all over the township so that every part will 
be represented.” 

^^Sure, Hi, you are right, but that is all old to me; I will 
so fix it that those men will think they are getting the thing 
fixed their way when in fact I will hold the key to the true 
situation, and that is what I wanted with a little cash. And 
I think it would be a good idea for you to leave a few dollars 
more with me to-day, as fifty dollars don’t go very far in 
politics, and I am very anxious to see you through all right.” 

^‘Well, how much, Billy?” 

^^Oh, about twenty-five dollars will do to-day, although 
we will be compelled to use more pretty soon — maybe before 
the primaries ; but you can come in often, and we ’ll perfect 
the combination and get everything fixed to a certainty.” 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


35 


^^Just so, Billy; there will be no mistake about the nomi- 
nation. Here is your twenty-five dollars; I got it from one of 
my neighbors for a cow ; take it, Billy, and use it in this good 
work, buit don’t let it be known outside of the combination 
that I am securing my nomination with money — but we must 
have the votes, you know.” 

^^Don’t be alarmed about that. Hi; we will bring that 
around in such a shape that they will all shout for Hiram 
Doolittle. I will swing you in on the crest of the highest 
political wave that ever arose from any convention in this 
city. I can fix the delegates here all right, and vote them 
just to suit me when the proper time comes; and we have 
plenty of delegates to change the form of voting and also 
divert from one candidate to another just by a wink of the eye 
or the crook of my finger. I haven’t been a politician all my 
life for nothing. I shall go right to work in your behalf, and 
you just talk with your neighbors and drive around over the 
county and see your brother farmers, and I will work the 
camera behind the curtain. There is another little item I 
had almost overlooked— that is, your announcement in the 
Republican county papers; there are four or five of them. 
Your name and candidacy will want ito be published in each 
of them, and that will require a little more money.” 

''How much will it take? I am very glad you mentioned 
it; I had forgotten that. You are very thoughtful, Billy.” 

"Oh, about forty dollars I think will do, for we want to 


36 


TEE KAEEAE FARMER IN POLITICS. 


pay the editors pretty liberally, for there is nothing that will 
make an editor show up your good qualities like plenty of 
cash. The fact is, money talks through the papers in 
politics.” 

^^Well, I will give you four more tens, Billy, but it does 
seem as though it is taking lots of money to get started — but 
of course it will come back very fast when I get the office. 
Well, I must be going; I have got to see Mr. Gaff, the banker, 
and make a little deposit; I don’t like to carry all this money 
in my pocket.” 

So, bidding Billy good-day, I at once proceeded to the 
bank, and found Mr. Gaff in his office. 

^^Good-evening, Mr. Gaff. I want to leave a little money 
with you. I have been a little shaky on banks, but I have all 
confidence in you. Brother Gaff, and will leave my money 
feeling that it is perfectly safe.” 

^Thanks, Brother Hi. How much do you wish to 
deposit?” 

‘^Here is the pile in this shot sack; pour it out and count 
it; there is about two thousand dollars, I think.” 

Mr. Gaff took the sack, emptied it out on the counter, un- 
' folded the old bills, counted it and stacked it up in piles — the 
bills, the gold, and the silver — and viewed all with a smile of 
satisfaction. 

^Tretty good. Brother Hi. Here is a pass-book and a 
check-book. We will look after your interests very closely. 


THE KAHSAS FABUER IN POLITICS. 37 

for there are very few men in this county that have been as 
successful as you have. You would make a good bank direct- 
or, and I would like to have you on my board of directors if it 
wasn’t that you are running for office. I could get you some 
stock in our bank, and this would put your money where it 
would earn you something.” 

“Oh, well, I don’t know about buying bank stock; I don’t 
think I would want to take hold of anything that I would be 
compelled to have help to let go. I think that if I should 
invest, I would rather invest in something I could sell at my 
own pleasure at any price that suited me.” 

“Of course that is all right, and I know where there are 
some nice outside investments and can fix you up in good 
shape, if you should want to use your money in that way; but 
I know where I could get you a little bank stock, about five 
hundred dollars; but the most of our stockholders prefer to 
keep their stock, as we are paying good dividends. We are 
paying five per cent semi-annually and adding two per cent to 
the surplus fund, and we pay the taxes. Don’t you think that 
is pretty good. Brother Hi?” 

“Well, it does seem so, but still I am a little shaky. 
Brother Gaff.” 

“Shaky nothing! You will never have a finer chance to 
make some money, and I shall take the responsibility of see- 
ing the party and see if we can still make the deal, of course 
keeping it very quiet until after election. You will want to 


38 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


invest this money, I am sure, and I think I can get you on the 
inside of several deals that are winners.’’ 

^Wait, Brother Gaff, wait; don’t be in a hurry; I don’t 
want to speculate, but I may want to make some good solid 
investments, provided I am elected. But I must go now; it is 
getting late.” 

So, bidding Mr. Gaff good-day, I got my team and started 
for home, feeling very fine; in fact, I stepped so light and 
young that I seemed to almost fly, and I was gradually trying 
to assume the regular candidate smile that is so fetching in 
politics. 


the KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


59 


OHAPTEE VI. 

On arriving at home, feeling pretty tired, I retired early, 
hoping to get a little sleep, but there was no sleep for poor old 
Hi, only nervous naps, filled with dreams of primaries, with 
whole train-loads of politicians all scrambling for office, pro- 
claiming in loud shouts their wish to serve the dear people in 
all official capacities. 

In the morning, after having a good cup of coffee and a 
glass of wine out of the cellar, I felt refreshed, and I had my 
team driven around and was going to start on my canvass 
through the county to see some of the influential men in each 
township, but I had some difficulty in getting my candidate 
smile spread over my face in good shape; however, after driv- 
ing in the fresh morning breeze and bright sunshine a few 
hours, I got my smile all right. (Kind reader, learning to 
wear this smile is like learning to wear false teeth ; it ’s some- 
thing that requires a great deal of practice to become perfect 
in.) As I had several days to spend among my farmer friends, 
I was very anxious to have my smile and hand-shake a little 
fetchy. I canvassed my own township and saw all the lead- 
ing Eepublicans and a few of the Pops; they all seemed to 
think I was the man. The fact is, I didn’t meet a man that 
came right out and said he would not vote for me, and all the 
Eepublicans were very enthusiastic in my behalf, and some 


40 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


of the opposition half-way promised to vote for me provided I 
received the nomination ; and as I canvassed the other town- 
ships I found the people were very favorable to me, except 
the townships where my opposing candidates for nomination 
live; and even there I believed I was all right, if I should be 
the successful candidate in the convention. 

So I staid right with the dear people until a few days 
before the convention, ever assuring them that this should be 
an honest campaign and that Hiram Doolittle would buy no 
whisky or cigars to try to influence votes, but would make a 
square and honest fight. And I must say, to the credit of 
most of the farmers of my county, they always seemed glad to 
see me and would leave most important work to sit on the 
fence and talk to me for half a day at a time. But once in a 
while I would find a man that had no time to fool away with 
politicians; he seemed to have more interest in his own affairs 
than he did with candidates; I always set his name down in 
the Republican column, for no Pop ever lets an opportunity 
pass to discuss the political and financial questions of our 
country, especially the financial, and some of them entertain 
(or pretend to) some queer ideas. One good old Pop wanted 
to know of me, if we got free silver, if Uncle Sam was going 
to bring it around to us, or would we go to town after it ; and 
would we have to furnish our own sacks to put it in. I told 
him Uncle Sam was no two-for-a-cent fellow, and if we had 
free silver, he surely would haul it around and furnish his 


THE KANBAN FARMER IN POLITICS. 


41 


own sacks; all we would have to do would be to spend the 
money and live fat around Uncle Sam’s festive board. I 
think I made a good impression on this fellow. He will vote 
for me whether I am for free silver or not, for I put up a talk 
that suited him. I am getting on to this electioneering busi- 
ness. When I came to a farm where the sunflowers were 
about ten feet high, I put up just such a talk to the owner, 
and I always had a very attentive listener, for he was not 
afraid of the sunflowers and buiTs; they could take care of 
themselves while he spent a few hours running this govern- 
ment, of which he was a vein^ prominent part just then. And 
in this way I had a very nice time, sometimes putting up 
gold standard talk and sometimes talking as though I rather 
favored silver, but always talking for votes, and nearly all 
of them said they would support me. If Billy pulled his end 
of the string as well as I did mine, I thought I would get 
there sure. 

I completed my canvass and arrived at home just three 
days before the primaries, and would have liked a little rest, 
but I must see Billy again before the primaries. So next 
morning bright and early I was in Billy’s oflice again. 

^Well, Hi, how have you succeeded in your canvass?” 

^^All right, Billy; I have a good show for the nomination. 
Have you got your delegates slated all right?” 

^Wes, I think so, but am not sure. I have the slate about 
complete but there is one man in your township that I am 


42 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


not sure I can handle, and I want your delegation made so I 
can handle them, trade them for other candidates, and then 
have them solid for you.” 

^Well, I will do the best I can.” 

^‘That won’t do; you must have them solid, or off comes 
your head.” 

^‘My God! Billy, don’t talk that way; after I have put so 
much money in this campaign, I thought you were with me to 
a finish.” 

^‘Oh, I am with you, but you must be sure of your delega- 
tion ; that ’s all. Go early Saturday morning and get every- 
thing in good shape. And now, while I think of it, we will 
want a little more money to use out in No. 4 township.” 

^‘Well, I don’t want to put up so much money unless I am 
pretty sure of the nomination. How much more do you want 
to-day?” 

^^Oh, about twenty-five dollars will do, provided you are 
in early on next Tuesday to make arrangements for dinner for 
the delegates; if not and I have to look after it, it will take 
more. We must entertain them in grand style. Oh say, Hi, 
did you see what a grand send-off the papers gave you? That 
was just fine. You see, it pays to pay liberally, and you will 
see in the end that I am about right, although it seems to 
take a little money.” 

^Well, Billy, I will leave twenty-five dollars with you; I 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


43 


guess it will be all right, and if you need any more, just call 
on me — but don’t sit down on me in the convention.” 

^^All right. Hi; I will stay with you. Do the best you can 
in your township and get in early Tuesday morning. We will 
know who the delegates are then and will be able to fix every- 
thing just right for the all-important moment. We will want 
to use your delegation for our favorite candidate for sheriff, 
county clerk, and so on all the way down the line to coroner.” 

After concluding my interview with Billy, I again took 
my team out of the stable and started for home. I was so 
confident of success now that I didn ’t care for expenses, and 
was a regular patron of the livery stable. Wishing to create 
a favorable impression, I wanted my sorrel team kept in fine 
style, so they fairly fiew with me and I w^as soon at my own 
gate, and for the next day or two, until the primaries, I was 
looking after the farm. But soon Saturday arrived and I hur- 
ried off to the school-house, where the primaries were held 
for my township; but, as it was a little early, I experienced a 
good deal of difficulty in getting on my candidate smile; how- 
ever, after several efforts, I made it all right. I got my dele- 
gation all right for me, but two or three of them didn’t want 
to support Billy’s man for sheriff and I was a little shaky 
about final results. It still kept ringing in my ears what 
Billy said to me about whacking off my political head. 

I attended church Sunday at the little chapel on the hill, 
but somehow I couldn’t get interested in the sermon^ but 


44 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


worried about my chances; and when the collection was 
taken up, instead of paying my regular dollar, I dropped in 
five, and received a nudge in the short ribs from my wife and 
a reprimand for my extravagance; but I explained the situa- 
tion to her by telling her we were leaving the old ruts and go- 
ing one notch higher in society; and when the minister re- 
ceived the five, I saw a bright smile spread over his face, and 
I knew I had his influence with the congregation. It is real- 
ly surprising how money does change people’s feelings. It 
seems to be the elixir of life and the father of smiles. 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


45 


CHAPTER VII. 

Tuesday, the convention day ! the one day of my life ! the 
day I am to be weighed in ithe balance! but oh, Billy! if you 
prove true, I am all right. Bo, getting an early start, I was 
soon on my way to town. No time to rest, now 1 was in poli- 
tics. On arriving in town, I found several of the delegates 
already there, having come in on the train the night before. I 
hurried up to see Billy, and found his office filled with dele- 
gates, candidates, politicians, and farmers, all working for 
this or that candidate, and I must admit I felt that my 
chances were rather small. I couldn’t get a chance to say 
anything, but I tried to hang onto my smile, though I found 
it a great effort to keep it up. And once in a while I would 
lick my tongue out to see if it had soured. Billy motioned 
me to one side and said : 

‘^1 want to have a little talk with you. Hi, it seems two 
or three of your delegates don’t want to support my man for 
sheriff. You must try to work them; if you can’t, I doubt if 
w’^e can nominate you. We have got to have them for sheriff 
solid, as well as for you. My candidate for sheriff will give 
you his delegation, and we must have yours in return.” 

'‘Well, I ’ll see them and do the best I can.” 

I finally got them, after a great deal of argument, to give 
a rather reluctant consent ; but still I was feeling pretty blue. 


46 


TEE KAEEAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


and my smile was gone, flitted away to parts unknown; I lost 
my grip and couldn’t hold it. 

We went to the convention hall in a body and organized 
the convention, appointed the regular committees, and ad- 
journed until one o’clock p. m. I looked after fifteen or 
twenty delegates and entertained them in royal style. One 
o’clock soon arrived, and the convention was again called to 
order. 

The reports of the committees were received, and, after 
several speeches pro and con as to the way they should vote, 
it was finally decided that the vote should be taken by town- 
ships, each delegation to appoint one of their members to an- 
nounce the vote. The chairman then announced the conven- 
tion organized and ready for business, and the first thing on 
the programme was the nomination of ithe county treasurer. 
The names of my two opponents were each placed before the 
convention, when my venerable friend from No. 4 arose and 
placed my name before the convention in the following 
speech : 

^^Mr. Chairman f and gentlemen of this convention: I 
have a man to place in nomination to-day who is a representa- 
tive farmer and for nearly forty years has been a resident of 
this county, coming here in its infancy and carving out one of 
the finest farms in the county; a man of honesty, integrity, 
and uprightness; a man more than worthy the office he seeks; 
a man it will be an honor to the people of this county to elect ; 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 47 

and this man is my good old friend, Hiram Doolittle, of Pick- 
way Township.” 

This completed the nominations for treasurer. The 
chairman called for a vote, and each delegation prepared its 
vote and answered as the chairman called the roll. The bal- 
lot being completed, the chair announced the decision, and, 
there being no choice, another ballot was called for, which 
was soon taken, with the same result as the previous one. 
During all this time I must say I was getting a little nervous, 
and by the time the result of the second ballot was announced 
and still I hadn’t been nominated, my limbs fairly shook and 
big drops of perspiration rolled down my face, while little 
white and black spots chased one another up and down my 
back. The third ballot was called. I looked over at Billy 
with a look of utter despair, my head filled with all kinds of 
thoughts. I remembered Jake’s warning, that I might get 
left at the last moment ; and was it really going to come true 
that Billy would desert me at the last for some other can- 
didate, and all my hog money and cow money be gone? 
Such thoughts flitted through my mind. In a moment Billy 
looked up to me, and my look of total despair softened his 
heart (if a politician has such a thing as a heart). He gave 
!me an encouraging smile, a wink of the eye, and a wave of 
the hand, and I knew that the combination had been turned 
on; but oh, the agonies of suspense! Would the wheel turn 
out my name when it stopped? 


48 


TEE KAE8AS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


Politicians were running from delegation to delega- 
tion, fixing and trading, and the entire convention was 
in an uproar and confusion. But, with a rap from the 
gavel of the speaker, they seemed to gather their wits, 
and the speaker called for the vote. As the vote pro- 
gressed my chances seemed to improve, and finally, when 
Billy’s big delegation’s vote was called, that he had been pur- 
posely holding back, it was solid for Hiram Doolittle, and 
when the chairman announced the result, I was nominated; 
but my senses were so befogged I could hardly realize the 
fact, and in the confusion that followed someone put a motion 
that the nomination be made unanimous, which was done 
amid a perfect uproar and shouts for Doolittle. The chair- 
man invited me to come forward and make a speech; that 
brought me to my senses, for I had never made a speech in 
my life, at least not since my early school-days. But I was in 
for it now; so, rising from my seat trembling in every limb, 1 
made my way to the speaker’s stand, where I was greeted 
with loud and prolonged cheers. When the chairman had 
succeeded in restoring order, I faced the audience and ad- 
dressed them as follows: 

^^Mr. Chairman: [ But just then it seemed as though I 
had lost something, and sure enough I had; in the confusion 
and excitement I had lost my candidate smile, and, knowing 
that if I ever needed it now was the time, I at once proceeded 
to don it, and, when properly adjusted, I proceeded as 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 49 

follows:] Mr. Chairman, and gentlemen of this convention: 
I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for the honor 
you have conferred on me by making me your candidate for 
county treasurer, and will endeavor in every way possible to 
make you a good officer if elected. I shall endeavor to see 
every voter in the county between this and the election. I 
will make a house-to-house canvass, and will use every effort 
to elect the entire ticket placed in nomination to day. 
Again, gentlemen, I thank you.’’ 

This being my first effort at speech-making, though 
short, it seemed to me it was very long, and I sat down feel- 
ing much better than I looked. The convention then pro- 
ceeded to nominate the remainder of the county officers down 
to the coroner, and, now that my nomination was assured and 
I had the perspiration wiped from my face and eyes, it was a 
great pleasure to me to sit and watch Billy handle that con- 
vention. It reminded me of the story of ^‘The Hidden Hand’’ 
or ^^The Shadow on the Wall” — always getting his man, and 
often when it looked like everything was against him. I tell 
you, my confidence in Billy as a politician was unbounded. 

After so much excitement, I was very anxious to get 
home, thinking my nomination equivalent to election. Just 
at this time Billy slapped me on the shoulder and congrat- 
ulated me, and requested me to come to his office before 
going home. While we were talking, the convention ad- 
journed and the delegates began to scatter in every direction. 


50 the KAN8A8 FARMER IN POLITICS. 

I at once went to Billy’s office, finding on my arrival that he 
had preceded me. 

^Well, Hi, how are you feeling? Pretty good, are you 
not?” 

>^Oh yes, I am feeling fine, thanks to your shrewdness.” 

^‘Now, Hi, we want to make arrangements for the cam- 
paign. We have got to get some speakers and a great many 
other things to arrange for, and it will be necessary to assess 
all the candidates to secure the necessary funds to carry on 
the campaign. Your assessment will be one hundred 
dollars.” 

“My stars^ man! you don’t mean that, do you?” 

“Oh yes; that is not very heavy for a man of your stand- 
ing — and besides, you haven’t got to rustle to get the money 
like some of the other candidates; all you have to do is to 
make a check for that amount ; you have plenty of money in 
the bank, and you are really the leader on the county ticket, 
and of course we will expect you to head the list with a 
liberal amount. We will want to have a glee club to go 
around with the speakers, you know, and enthuse the dear 
people, for the real battle has just begun. Up to the present 
time, we have just been lining up and securing our lieu ten - 
anits, of which you are the chief, and I know you do not want 
to be penurious in the matter. The Pops are going to give 
us a strong fight. They are fusing with every party they can 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 5J 

in order to defeat us, and we may have a hard fight to pull 
through/’ 

^Well, I will leave you a check for the hundred, but at 
the same time I believe I will be elected by a good majority, 
for, what little I have been around, they nearly all say they 
will vote for me.” 

“Very true, my friend; but I see you are not very much 
of a politician. The people think everything is fair in poli- 
tics and will itell you all kinds of stories, but I tell you this 
will be a close race. The Pops have their convention one 
week from to-day; then we will know who your opponent is. 
Thank you for this check. Hi. Don’t be afraid to spend a 
little money for such a good thing as county treasurer. 
Good-day, my friend. Call in often, and I will keep you 
posted.” 


52 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER VIII. 

I at once started for home, anxious to tell Jake the good 
news, and feeling a little proud of the fact that I could crow 
over him a little, as he had always opposed my running for 
office. Yes, sir! the old man knows something besides farm- 
ing. I am in the swum for sure. On arriving at home, I 
received such warm congratulations from Jake that I could 
not chide him in tthe least. He made me feel so proud of my- 
self that I felt like a bashful boy in a ball-room — I just 
looked around and grinned. So, after the mental and nerv- 
ous strain of the last few days, I began to draw in my ten- 
sion and get it down to a point where I could sleep the sleep 
of the just. There was nothing more of importance occurred 
until the next Tuesday, when the Pops would hold their con- 
vention ; so I improved the intervening time by taking a good 
rest and keeping my eye on Jake a little, to see how he was 
going to make it on the farm, and grooming my sorrel team; 
for I was beginning to feel that there was something in ap- 
pearances. I anxiously waited for Tuesday morning to 
come, and when the time rolled around, I started on my way 
to town, very anxious to see who the Pops w^ould nominate 
for my opponent. 

Oh, my! how they did pile into town — on horseback, in 
wagons and buggies and all kinds of conveyances ! I felt so 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


53 


blue about it that I went right up to Billyhs, and he consoled 
me with the assurance that it was the fusion that had stirred 
up such a motley crowd ; that they really represented several 
political parties, and some were to go to the grass-patches 
where the candidates were hid and select candidates for the 
different offices from each political party, so each party 
would be represented on the county ticket; and — unfortu- 
nately, as I thought — Neighbor Bliss being in a very con- 
spicuous place, he was found and nominated as my opponent, 
and I here give a part of his nominating speech, as follows: 

^^Mr. Chairma/n, and gentlemen of the convention: If 1 
understand this matter correctly, we are to select a candi- 
date from each political party represented in this convention, 
and then the several parties are to support those candidates. 
Now, as I have been nominated for county treasurer, I want 
to say, in my case, that I think I possess all the good quali- 
ties within myself, of all the parties. I have been a Green- 
backer, Alliance, Pop, Democrat, Free-Silver, Prohibition, 
and anything to beat the Republicans, and will be anything 
else to get your support at the polls — so there now.” 

This speech met with such rousing cheers from the audi- 
ence that it made me tremble for my own political safety. 
As my township had never had the office of county treasurer, 
I had thought it would be greatly in my favor, and now they 
had checkmated me by nominating my neighbor. Bliss. I at 

once called on Billy and got his views on the situation. 

6 — 


54 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


“Well, Hi, you know who your opponent is now; he is a 
pretty hard man to beat, but I think we can elect our entire 
ticket. The opposition are pretty badly mixed up. Just 
think of it! they only gave the Free-Silver Kepublicans sur- 
veyor; the Prohibitionists, coroner; while the Pops and 
Democrats got all the good offices. I donT believe they will 
hang together until election. I think the Prohibitionists 
ought to have had the sheriff, so he could get after the joints. 

“But say. Hi, don’t you think it would be a good idea to 
give our paper about ten dollars to give you a little extra 
send-off?” 

“Oh no; that is too much. Two and a half I think is 
enough.” 

“Of course you can get it for that, but it wouldn’t be just 
the proper thing for a man of your standing to have a two- 
and-a-half write-up.” 

“All right, Billy; you have your way. I ’ll leave another 
ten with jmu for that purpose, hoping the good editor will 
give me a write-up — not too flowery, you know; just a good 
farmer write-up. I feel sure of the office, now that I have 
secured the nomination, as this county has a good Republi- 
can majority and you are working the lever of the party 
machine.” 

“Don’t be too sure about that, Hi, for the Pops will be 
coming out of the grass about election-time, as thick as jack- 
rabbits, and they may be too many for us. You can’t judge 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


55 


this election by the past, as politics is changing all the time. 
And right here, I want ito give you a pointer that you want to 
^always keep in mind, and that is, never take off your war- 
paint until the battle is over, if your prospects of victory are 
ever so flattering. You will find there are a great many un- 
expected surprises in politics, and you must stand square up 
in the ranks and stay by your colors until the last gun is 
fired; and when the victory is won, it is time to rest on your 
laurels — not before. 

^^It is now only four weeks until election, and we have 
got ito do a great deal of hard work in that time. I want you 
to canvass the county closely and report to me every Satur- 
day, and I will stay here and watch for any tricks that might 
be sprung on us; look after the machine; keep it well oiled 
and steam up, so that it will be ready for use at a moment’s 
notice, and with my hand on the lever I can throw the throt- 
tle open and let her go, like I did in the convention. Your 
two opponents in the convention feel a little sore at not get- 
ting the nomination ; they have got to be fixed some way, or 
they may bolt the ticket and take their followers with them, 
and that wont do; it would be sure defeat. I think it would 
be a good idea to pay all of their expenses to the convention. 
I think that will hold them in line; if not, a little additional 
cash will, I am sure, and I will see them and get them fixed. 
In addition to this, I will have to promise them another 
chance in two or four years from now, but I can do that 


56 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


easily, for many changes come to a man standing in line for 
office, and in arranging this it may require a little more 
money, but I will not need it to-day.’’ 

^^My stars, Billy! It takes lots of money; it seems to me 
it ’s money, money, all the time.” 

^‘Oh well. Hi, it does take a little money to run a cam- 
paign; but suppose the other fellows do get some of your 
money, you get to wear the crown of honor, and honors are 
not secured without an effort — and sometimes a little cash.” 

^^Very well, Billy; fix them, and I will furnish the stuff.” 

I again started for home, which w^as soon reached, as the 
sorrels stepped pert and high; and I now allowed myself one 
day’s rest before I started on my house-to-house canvass. 
During my travels I met with my opponent every few days, 
but I rather adopted the still-hunt plan of seeing who would 
follow me. But not so with my opponent; he was full of 
high-seasoned argument, and would sit on the fence with his 
horse tied in the sun and tear this government into frag- 
ments, and skin John Sherman because he gave us too many 
silver dollars in ’73, and build an imaginary government of 
his own, that he would not have lived under if it had existed; 
that, he thought, would make votes, and that was the all- 
important point. All this I could accept with good grace, 
but this wasn’t all: he had another little speech to punish his 
hearers wuth, and that w as, how the iron wheel of monopoly 
had ground the people of Kansas down until they could 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


67 


hardly live; and he waved that ill-starred banner, Repudia- 
tion, in their faces to blind their senses and pull down and 
trample in the dirt the fair name of Kansas. 

This perplexed and angered me, knowing that my neigh- 
bor was the owner of a large farm and a good home. I could 
not see how a man could have the gall to slur his own State, 
and all for a little political favor. 

Another argument advanced by him was this: that 
Uncle Sam was going to loan all parties who had land all the 
money they wanted at two per cent, and they would loan to 
those who had no land on their cows and horses, and to those 
who had no cows and horses on their personal notes. And 
this was quite a catchy argument, for the fellow who had the 
land could get the money from Uncle Sam at two per cent, 
and that suited him; and the man who had the horses and 
cows could see a chance to make a good sale of his stock, and 
it was of very little importance to him what the rate of 
interest was, for he never expected to pay it anyway. So 
with these two parties I could do nothing, and I felt that I 
must see Billy to get his advice. 

Accordingly early the next morning I drove to town, 
and was soon in consultation with Billy, and stated my 
troubles to him, and what seemed very difficult to me seemed 
very easy for him. 

^'Hi, it seems I can’t get you to catch on; it is a very easy 
matter to fix those fellows; you just talk cash on delivery to 
them, and that will fix them. Just let them alone until 


58 


THE KANEAE FARMER IN POLITICO 


election day; then we will go after them on the cash-on 
delivery system.’’ 

^Well, I don’t know; I don’t just like the idea of buying 
the votes; it doesn’t seem to me that is the proper thing.” 

^^Yes, I know you have some conscientious scruples on 
that matter; but you are in politics now, and it would be best 
for you to leave your conscience at home. You just keep up 
your canvass, and I wall arrange everything. By the help of 
the central committee I think we will pull our ticket through, 
but it looks a little blue for us just now, and I feel that we 
will necessarily have to use considerable money, for the Pops 
are making a desperate hard fight, and as there are but two 
more weeks until election, you had better call two or three 
times a week. Have you canvassed the Possum Run district 
yet? That is a very strong Pop district; the brush is full of 
them.” 

“No; I will work that territory next week, but will call 
in often and report the probable outcome from that district.” 

So another week of the campaign was gone. I spent the 
Sabbath as usual in attending church at the little chapel on 
the hill, and I must say I could not enjoy the services, as 
the vision of the big church in town and the grand swell 1 
expected to cut there was growing dim, as the last few days 
of my canvass had been less assuring and a little doubt had 
crept into my mind as to the final result, but the little chapel 
on the hill seemed to suit me better than on the previous 
Sabbath. 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


59 


CHAPTER IX. 

On the following morning early I started out to canvass 
the Possum Run district and that part of the county, and I 
must say I was well pleased with my prospects, notwith- 
standing the fact that from the general appearance of the 
farms and their surroundings I knew the majority were Pops. 
After making a hard week’s canvass, on Saturday I again 
went to town to report to Billy, as I had some very important 
business with him. 

^Well, Hi, how have you been working it this week? 
You must have been having grand success to stay out all the 
week. I have wanted to see you about several things during 
the week.” 

^Well, I have had very good success, Billy; I believe I 
will carry Possum Run district, although it is counted Pop. 
I found several substantial friends down there, and I left 
fifty dollars with one of them to use on election day in the 
cash-on-delivery business, and he informed me that it would 
take down there all right.” 

^^That is all very well, but a new difficulty has risen 
here. One of your opponents in the convention refuses to 
accept future promises of office as compensation for his 
defeat, and says such promises are getting threadbare and 
won’t hold water any longer, and it will take some cash to 


60 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


keep him in line. I have been working with him all the week, 
and have promised him the postoffice and everything else, 
but he says promises won’t go any longer and it requires 
cash; if he deserts us, he will take a number of his followers 
with him, and I think about fifty dollars will fix him all right, 
which I think you had better pay.” 

^‘Fifty dollars! My sakes alive, man! that is too much. 
I can’t afford to pay out so much money.” 

“I admit it does look a little steep, but how are you going 
to avoid it? He and his followers can defeat you, and you 
may bet the opposition are after him and I am sure are offer- 
ing him money,for you can’t w^ork the promise racket on that 
fellow any more; he is too old for that. If you let him go, 
that may mean defeat to you, and then you would lose all 
you have put into the campaign and the honor of securing 
the office.” . s i , 

‘'Well, Billy, I suppose I will have to submit, but it ’s 
pretty hard on my bank account.” 

“There is another thing we must arrange for, as it is 
only one more week until election, and that is a few boxes of 
cigars to distribute at the polls on election day, and also a 
few gallons of the necessary oil for the machine [liquor], 
to keep up their drooping spirits and fire them with 
enthusiasm.” 

“Billy, hush making such propositions to me. Don’t 
you know that will never do, as I have pledged myself to the 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


61 


people that I will buy neither cigars nor whisky for elec- 
tion purposes?” 

^‘Yes, I know you said that, and I thought then you were 
a little premature in your declarations, but we will let that 
pass, OAving to your limited knowledge of politics; but now 
all the other boys have put up their share, and no one need 
ever know you bought anything of the kind. I can fix that; 
all I want is the money.” 

^^What has become of the money we paid in on assess- 
ment? It seems to me you should use that for this busi- 
ness, -if it has got to be done.” 

^‘Oh, that money we paid for speakers; we have had 
various speakers, and you know we had two speeches from 
Dick Blue, and you may think he is blue, but he isn’t a 
circumstance to what the opposition were when he got 
through skinning them — they were so blue they were al- 
most black; and we have used money in various other ways. 
But this matter must be settled to-day and we have got to 
have plenty of both cigars and liquor, for I tell you now, it 
will be a very hard pull for you to make it. It seems the 
opposition are making their big fight on you the last few 
days, and I know you don’t want to bear the humiliation 
of defeat.” 

“No, I don’t want to be defeated now, for, besides the 
humiliation, I would lose all the money I have already put 
into this political jack-pot; so I suppose I will have to sub- ^ 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS, 


init. How much do you think it will require to fix them 
up in good shape? If I have got to sacrifice some of my 
principles for the sake of office, I had just as well let a little 
of my money go with them, and give the boys a good time.” 

^^Now you are beginning to talk like you were learning 
a little politics; I thought you were not too old to learn. I 
think it would be a good idea to put up about fifty dollars 
for that, and perhaps fifty dollars to pay for those cash-on- 
delivery votes. The other candidates have contributed quite 
liberally to that fund, and I think a hundred from you this 
time will be all right.” 

^^Well, here is my check for a hundred. I am very tired 
and will now go home, and will work in my own township 
next week, but will be back early next Saturday to make 
final arrangements.” 


TEE KAEEA^ FARMER IN POLITICS. 


63 


CHAPTER X. 

Sunday morning found me and my family at the little 
chapel on the hill, and we had a very good sermon, though 
I thought the pastor quite often referred to the evils of 
politics. It seemed to me he was rather favoring Neighbor 
Bliss, and I feared I would lose the support of the pastor at 
the last moment, and was seriously debating in my mind 
whether^or not to try the parson with a little of the filthy 
lucre that was being so freely used in the campaign. Fi- 
nally I decided in my mind that this was my only chance to 
win his favor, and when the contribution-box was passed 
around, I slipped in a new crisp ten-dollar bill, at the same 
time keeping one eye on the parson to note the effect. When 
he saw the bill drop into the box, I could see a bright 
smile pass over his ministerial face that made my heart 
bound with joy, for I felt I had him sure. Nor were my 
surmises in vain, for the good minister arose, and, with a 
heart full of thankfulness (for the ten), gave us quite a nice 
talk on the great rewards that awaited the cheerful giver; 
and when services were over, I could recognize a genuine 

earnestness in his hand-shake that convinced me I was solid 

\ 

with him. 

Monday morning I began to reconnoiter my own town- 
shijp. Being well acquainted with all the voters, I believed 


64 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


if my opponent had been from some other township I coiikl 
have overcome the majority against me in the township; 
but as it was, I believed I would have an even show, al- 
though my opponent had been making some very rash prom- 
ises to the voters, still working his two per cent and free- 
silver racket wherever he could; but, as there were several 
men in the township that had money to loan, they kicked on 
his two per cent scheme, for at the present rate of taxes 
that wouldn’t quite pay out; so I thought I had gained an 
advantage over him in that way. 

The last week of my campaign passed swiftly by, and 
Saturday morning again found me in consultation with 
Billy. 

^Well, Hi, how does the land lay out in your township?” 

^^About an even stand-olf, I think.” 

^Well, I have canvassed the situation all over the 
county, and am of the opinion it will be a very close shave 
to pull you through. Have you made any arrangements 
with anyone to distribute the cigars and fluid fixer and the 
necessary cash?” 

^^No, no, Billy, I can’t do that in my own township; for 
God’s sake, keep that part of the proceedings from the pub- 
lic; you arrange that; I am willing to put up the stuff, but 
keep it very quiet.” 

^Well, I can arrange it, but it will cost more, as I will 
be compelled to send a man out with it the night before 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITWS. 65 

election, but there are several fellows out there that will 
look after those things for us. I think you had better leave 
about fifty dollars out there, and go up early on the morning 
of election and see that everything is done fair. We have 
the election board all fixed, and you just watch for illegal 
votes and report to me by wire about noon. Everything is 
all right in this township. Perhaps we may lose a few votes 
that we are figuring on, for it seems that with all I could 
do I could only get a very reluctant consent from your op- 
posing c^ididate in the convention to support you, and he 
and a few of his followers may bolt the ticket. But, to over- 
come this, I have secured some votes from the opposition, 
and I shall meet the central committee to-night and look 
the political machine all over and see if she is all ready 
for the grand work Tuesday. We have Oilers at every pre- 
cinct ready with their jugs to lubricate the machine for the 
final trial.’’ 

So ended my conference with Billy. This was a big day 
in town, so I adjusted my smile in proper shape, gave my 
arm a few jerks to ascertain if my hand-shake was all right, 
and walked out on the streets among the dear people, shak- 
ing hands on the right and left, and casting my smile on 
them like a noonday sun- and when the day had passed, I 
felt I had advanced my cause to a great extent. 

Arriving at home about 10 p. m., in a very nervous con- 
dition, I retired at once, but found it impossible to sleep. 


06 tee KAE8AE FARMER IN P0LITIG8. 

Sunday morning I attended church as usual, thinking 
it very important to be in my regular place, and, as there 
was no longer any doubt in my mind in regard to the par- 
son, I could give him my full attention. 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


67 


CHAPTER XI. 

Tuesday morning came, the day of more importance to 
me than any other of my sixty years of life, for this day was 
to decide my fate; this day I was to be weighed in the bal- 
ance; and oh, how I did pray for weight to throw my oppo- 
nent in the air! I hastened to the polls, which are situated 
in a small village in my township, and looked the ground 
over. Th^judges were satisfactory, and soon the polls were 
open and voting began; farmers came and voted and re- 
turned home. Gradually the crowd around the polls in- 
creased, and there seemed to be quite a number hanging 
around not voting, but talking politics and smoking cigars, 
and going back and forth to and from the coal-shed down 
the alley; in fact, there was a steady stream. of men to and 
from the shed most of the forenoon, and I felt sure, from 
what I could see without mixing too much in the crowd, 
that if we got votes from all who drank, I was O. K.; but 
those fellows didnT seem in any hurry to vote, which made 
me feel a little suspicious, but I consoled myself with the 
fact that they all seemed to be using our stuff, and sent 
Billy the following message at noon: 

Friend Billy: Everything seems to be working in our 
favor. The oil you sent out to oil the political machine is 


68 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


being used freely, and I think this afternoon voting will be 
very lively and largely for me.” 

I went to the hotel, got my dinner, and remained there 
until after the one o’clock train; and when I went back to 
the polls, the first person 1 met was the man we had look- 
ing after the oil for the machine, and he informed me that 
they had used it all; that the last drop was gone, and very 
few of those fellows had voted, and our opponents had a 
keg come in on the last train, and the fellows were all go- 
ing over to the blacksmith’s shop, where they had their 
keg, and he was afraid they would not vote our ticket. I 
must say that this thoroughly upset me, for I didn’t just 
approve of this way of getting votes anyway, and I didn’t 
know what to do; but I knew something had to be done, 
and that very quickly. So I telegraphed to Billy and asked 
for instructions, and in a few minutes received the follow- 
ing message: 

^^'Let them use the opponent’s stuff; then station your 
men near the polls with the cash, as those fellow^s by that 
time will be right to handle.' Follow these instructions 
closely and have your men get their work in from now until 
six.” 

I arranged my plans as soon as possible, as it was draw- 
ing near the close of the day, and had my men stationed with 
the necessary cash to handle the cash-on-delivery fellows as 
they came to vote, and I soon had things going in good shape. 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


69 


And, oh my ! how the boys did gather them into our fold ! 
WhiJe my bank account diminished,! could feel that my vote 
was increasing, and from this until six o’clock we had a live- 
ly time. I remained until the vote was counted, which re- 
sulted in Neighbor Bliss having a majority of ten votes in our 
township, which was a great disappointment to me, as I 
had figured on at least an even stand-off. And now, after 
spending so much money, to be beaten at last was too bad, 
and I was feeling very blue indeed. My smile that I had 
been wearing for several weeks was gone, sure gone, and my 
face wore a look of despair. I could not bear this suspense, 
so hastened to town to see if I really was defeated. Arriv- 
ing in town, I found Billy in good spirits. 

^‘How is it, Billy?” 

^‘Well, Hi, I believe we have made a clean sweep, al- 
though you are a little doubtful. The returns from the 
townships are not all in yet. Bliss is in the lead now, but 
there are two or three townships to hear from that I think 
will give you a small majority. I think they will all be in 
soon, so be contented and wait.” 

Contented nothing! no, not I. I walked from the Repub- 
lican headquarters to the Pop headquarters, trying to ascer- 
tain the results of the election, all the time in rather a dazed 
condition, jeered at by the opposition with such remarks as: 
''There goes old Farmer Doolittle, who got left.” Finally I 

could stand the strain no longer and went to the hotel, the 
e 


70 


THE KAHEA{^ FARMER IN POLITICS. 


latest news from headquarters showing Farmer Bliss still 
ahead, and only one more township to hear from. 

While at dinner, I was urged by Billy and others to have 
courage, but I felt that perhaps this would be our last meet- 
ing, for if I was defeated and lost all my money, I would seek 
seclusion on the farm, never to dabble in politics again. 
Dinner over, I very reluctantly settled the bill and walked 
up to headquarters, and when near there I thought I could 
detect a slight change of some kind which I did not just 
understand, when someone shouted to Billy: ^We have 
elected the whole ticket.’^ The returns from the last town- 
ship gave us a majority, and I was elected by ten votes. I 
was soon being congratulated on my success, but I was very 
much bewildered and still felt somewhat in doubt. Could it 
be possible that I was surely elected? It was some time be- 
fore I could fully realize the fact. I could not, however, get 
myself to look just right; it seemed that there was some- 
thing lacking about me. Then I remembered leaving my 
smile at home; but, like a guardian angel, it had kept a close 
watch on me, and now that it was needed, like the white- 
winged dove of peace, it spread over my countenance, and 
you may be sure I used it to its full capacity the remainder 
of the evening. I was surely elected county treasurer. 


THE KAHBAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


71 


CHAPTER XII. 

I hastened home early in the evening to tell Jake and my 
wife the good news, which gave them great pleasure, espe- 
cially Mandy,as she wanted to live in town. As for me, I was 
like a ship at sea in a storm that had been riding the rough 
breakers for weeks trying to make the harbor; and now I 
folded my p(5litical sails, and was safely in at last, and could 
enjoy myself in peace. 

Sunday, as usual, I attended church at the little chapel 
on the hill, and was welcomed and congratulated by the good 
parson, and I enjoyed the services, for I felt at peace with 
myself and all the world; but when I cast my eye over to 
Brother Bliss’ pew, I noticed a look on his face that seemed 
directed towards me — a look that boded no good ; and I must 
confess it disturbed me, for I thought I could see another 
storm brewing. For the life of me I couldn’t make out what 
the trouble was, but I hadn’t long to wait in suspense. 
Early Monday morning, Billy sent for me to come to town at 
once; he wanted to see me on business of great importance to 
me; so I at once hitched up my sorrel team and drove in. 

^‘Good-morning, Hi. How are you feeling by this time? 
I thought you had deserted us, as I have not seen you since 
the election.” 

“Yes, I was so glad that the storm was over, I wanted 


the KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 

to rest in peace a few days; but now I am at your service. 
Has there any new difficulty come up? I thought I was 
through with this campaign, with its many trying difficul- 
ties and disappointments, and thought I would be permit- 
ted to wear the laurels so dearly won, but I see by your 
countenance that new trouble awaits me. Out with it, 
Billy; what is the matter?’’ 

^Well, Hi, Bliss and all the leading Pops w^ere in town 
Saturday, and they claim your election was secured by 
fraudulent votes and they are going to contest you. They 
claim about twenty fraudulent votes were cast by the Re- 
publicans, and say they can produce the evidence, and of 
course that would give Bliss ten majority. That is what I 
wanted to see you about. Now there are only two ways to 
get out of this trouble: one is to go through a long and 
trying contest and perhaps be defeated ; the other, to try to 
buy Bliss off; and I think the latter the better plan. In the 
former plan we would have to hunt up the illegal votes cast 
by the Pops. I think we could do it, but it might cause us 
much trouble. It is very unfortunate that your majority 
is so small. If we had used a little more money in the 
campaign, we could have avoided this; but Bliss just poured 
the money in the last few days, and he feels pretty sore 
over his defeat. I think you had better leave about a hun- 
dred dollars with me, and I will see if I can’t fix the matter 


THE KAHSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 73 

with Bliss. You stand pat, and I will make a big show of 
what you could do in a contest.’’ 

“Well, Billy, it does seem to take a great deal of money 
to get this office, and it seems that the demand will never 
cease; but if you think that the best course to pursue, I will 
submit. I do^’t like to lose all the money I have already 
put into the machine, so, for God’s sake, try to pull me 
through. I leave the case to your management, as I find I 
would have been badly beaten had I taken my own course. 
I will leave you a check for one hundred, and if it doesn’t 
take all of it, you can return the balance when I come in 
again, which will be in a few days. 1 think, however, you 
will be able to settle with him for less.” 

“All right. Hi; 1 will do the best I can for you.” 

I returned home — not with that triumphant feeling 
that I possessed a few days ago, but with uneasiness and 
discomfort; still a doubting Thomas. How I really spent 
the next few days I can’t just understand. I was about 
half Hi the farmer and half county treasurer. Time rolled 
swiftly by. I saw Neighbor Bliss several times, but never 
mentioned the contest to him nor he to me, until the fol- 
lowing Saturday. As I was anxious to see Billy, I started 
to town early, and at nine o’clock in the morning was in his 
office. 

“Well, Hi, Bliss was in and I had a long talk with him. 
He is not so sure he can beat you in the contest, but he 


74 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


says he will try it if he doesn’t get his price to drop it. 1 
suggested a hundred dollars to him, but he said that would 
not do; there was a great deal of honor in being county treas- 
urer; that he would give several hundred to have the office. 
We made it one hundred and fifty. He will be in to-day, 
and we will talk the matter over. What do you say. Hi?” 

^‘By all means, Billy, close the deal if I only lack fifty 
dollars of getting the office; here is my check for the 
amount.” 

In a short time Neighbor Bliss came in, and Billy fixed 
the deal with him all right and the contest with him was 
dropped. I was now sure of the office, and Farmer Bliss 
seemed to be well satisfied with the deal, and said he could 
make more money on his farm than he could in politics; that 
hereafter he would devote his time and attention entirely to 
his farm. I must say this was very good news to me; in 
fact, I don’t remember of ever having received better ex- 
cept once: that w^as in ’65, in April, when I heard Lee had 
surrendered. 


THE KAHSAB FARMER IN POLITICS, 


75 


CHAPTER XIII. 

Now I began to pull myself together, and hunted up 
that candidate smile that had been playing hide-and-seek 
about my face for the last two weeks. I wanted it to come 
and remain with me permanently. As the noon hour ar- 
rived, feeling somewhat in need of refreshing the inner inai^ 
Billy and I proceeded to the best hotel in town to get dinner. 
No more fifteen-cent lunches for me; no, sir! I am county 
treasurer. After finishing our repast, we again returned to 
the street and mingled with the people I was to serve. 
There came a great change over me that I cannot describe. 
It seemed as though there was a great transformation tak- 
ing place in my attitude and sensations, which for several 
minutes I could not understand. I soon realized, however, 
that it was the departure of my faithful candidate smile, 
which had flown away and left me. 

Yes, it was gone; gone to rest from its labors for two 
years, to come forth again to animate the countenance of 
some other candidate and play its very important part in 
another Kansas campaign. 

But at the same moment there was born in its place 
another smile of greater brilliancy. It was like a bird of 
bright plumage, possessing a combination of colors which 
dazzled the eyes and warbling a low and sweet song which 


Y6 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


did my very soul good, for it seemed to say: will stay 

with you two years, and maybe four.’^ It being such a nice 
little smile, I christened it my official smile, and I have prom- 
ised it that it may look upon all the people from the four 
corners of the county; and oh, how proud we will be when 
our fellow-farmers come in to pay their taxes! not stuck up, 
in fine clothes, or anything of that sort, but with just a 
little triumphant feeling away down in my heart. I will 
just write out receipts and give them in exchange for hog 
money, corn money, chicken and egg money that they have 
waded through the mud to earn; and I will draw my salary, 
sit behind the counter, and have a good time in general, 
just taking their money and giving them receipts that cost 
me nothing and are worth nothing to them only as a license 
that they can live in this county until next tax-paying time; 
then we will be after them again, for we have to have our 
salary. There is only one escape from taxes, and that is 
death; and then, if you are so fortunate as to leave any- 
thing, we will jump on to that. Oh, this office is a sure 
thing, and the county treasurer is no respecter of persons. 

After Billy’s assurance that I had nothing more to do 
now but fix up my bond (which would be a very easy mat- 
ter, as my standing as an honest, upright citizen was un- 
questioned), I felt almost free from anxiety; but there was 
one thing that bothered me, and to clear it up I said to 
Billy: 


THE KANEAE FARMER IN POLITICS. 


77 


‘‘Why is it that all the other officers take charge of 
their offices the first of the year, and I not until October? 
That rather puzzles me, Billy; it does sure.’^ 

“Oh, that is all right. Hi; you see about the time they 
were framing the Kansas laws, it was very exciting times; 
there was a war with Missouri which was pretty warm — in 
fact, the campaigns were red hot; and after debating in the 
Assembly the proper time which should be allowed to 
elapse between the election and the taking charge of the 
office by the person elected, it was agreed that all except 
the county and State treasurers should assume their offices 
in January following the election; but, in view of the fact 
that campaigns in Kansas were very exciting, it would be 
a wise policy for the custodian of the finances of the several 
counties and State to not assume their office until October 
following, this being considered about the necessary time it 
would require to cool off from the excitement of the cam- 
paign and get your temperature down to normal, so as to 
make no mistakes in our finances. Those old framers of 
the constitution of the State of Kansas could see far into 
the future.’’ 

“Well, Billy, your explanation is perfectly satisfactory, 
and if all the treasurers before me have had to wait, I shall 
wait patiently. Billy, T thank you for the help you have 
given me, and hereafter I shall be as dough in your hands. 
You can mold me in any way you choose, for I could not 


78 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


have made it had you let me do as I wished to in this cam- 
paign. It has taken a hig pile of my hog money to secure 
this office, and I am glad the battle is over, but I feel that 
the honor is worth all it cost to secure it, and I think I will 
get all my money back in salary and have a good time 
socially. I have been wanting to come to town for a long 
time; I am tired of the farm. Well, Billy, I bid you good- 
day, as I must be getting back to the farm. Oh yes, I must 
see Mr. Gaff, the banker, on important business.” 

So I at once proceeded to the bank, and found Mr. Galf 
in his office: 

^^Good-evening, Brother Hi. You have been very suc- 
cessful in securing the office of county treasurer. Allow me 
to congratulate you. I will be very glad to welcome you to 
our town as one of our citizens. You can be of great value 
to us in our church and church work. By the way, Brother 
Hi, do you remember about that deal we were talking of be- 
fore the election in regard to you buying a few shares of 
stock in our bank? I have had the man waiting all the time, 
holding him off, as I wanted you to have the stock. Now, as 
the election is over, I think we had better close the deal. 1 
want to help you all I can, and I think this a good invest- 
ment and am anxious to have you take it.” 

“Yes, Brother Gaff, I have heard you pay a good divi- 
dend on your stock, but there is one thing about it that I 
don’t like, and that is the double-liability clause in Kansas. 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 79 

If it wasn’t for that terrible dread and fear of the statute 
liability, I would invest in those five shares/’ 

^^Oh well, Hi, alla^ your fears and invest your money in 
the stock; there is no danger of any double liability while I 
am cashier of the bank; and further, I can put you on to 
some very fine investments besides this. I would not specu- 
late in any way with the bank funds, but I think it is all 
right for you to make outside investments. What do you 
say. Brother Hi?” 

^‘Oh, I hardly know, but I guess you may make the deal 
for the stock; but that is all the investment I will make now, 
as Jake wants to use some of my money in the cattle busi- 
ness this winter. However, when I get moved to town, I will 
see further in reference to your other investments. I will 
now start for home.” 


80 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER XIV. 

When I arrived at home, Jake was waiting at the barn 
to care for my team and hear how I had succeeded in the 
contest. 

^‘Well, father, what success to-day?’’ 

am all right, Jake; your father is county treasurer 
now, sure, and no mistake this time. I bought Neighbor 
Bliss off; just took a business view of it, and considered it 
cheaper to buy him than to go into a contest. Oh, Jake, 
your old father knows a few things about politics. I have 
succeeded in securing the office, notwithstanding you 
thought I would fail.” 

‘^Oh no, father, I did not doubt but what you could be 
elected; butt some way I feel that your success will eventu- 
ally be your downfall, although I hope you may be success- 
ful beyond your own expectations. I shall be very well con- 
tented to stay on the farm where I have spent so many 
happy days, and wait patiently for your return when your 
term of office expires.” 

^‘My good boy, I am never coming back to the farm. 
Of course the campaign has exhausted considerable of my 
two thousand dollars, but now I am done with that ex- 
pense, and the money will soon be coming my way. Two 
thousand dollars a year, Jake, is a very good income, and 











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THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 81 

I shall invest it where it will bring me good returns each 
year. Brother Gaff was just telling me that he knew of 
some good investments. Oh no, Jake; when I move to 
town, I shake the dust of the farm from my feet. So far as 
my occupying it in the future, you can remain in undisputed 
possession. All 1 want is the sorrel driving team and the 
Jersey cow and old dog Rover. You can keep the buggy, as 
it is not just the style I want when I go to town.” 

As time passed by Jake and I made arrangements for 
his future on the farm and mine in the city. I bought a very 
nice little house, plenty large enough for Mandy and me, 
and just a perfect little nest. It just suited us, and was 
only two blocks from the office. All these arrangements 
were very easily made, but there was a very large bond to 
fill, and I found it more difficult than I had anticipated. 
Not that anyone doubted my honesty, but many that I 
asked had just quit signing anyone’s bond or endorsing, and 
a great many of these were the very men I wanted on my 
bond, for they seemed to be the most successful men in the 
county; they seemed to be perfectly contented in their own 
affairs, putting their trust in their Maker and the virgin 
soil of Kansas, and success seemed to smile on them. After 
considerable effort, I succeeded in getting a very good bond 
— one that was accepted by the board. I was in town now 
a great deal, getting familiar with the office work and catch-' 
ing on to the ways of society, as Mandy and I didn’t want 


82 TBFj KAlfSAB FARMER IN POLITICS. 

to make any mistakes about getting into the proper social 
circle. 

In July I went in and assisted the present incumbent 
for several days and got to use my official smile. I saw 
several very poor people paying their taxes, it taking their 
last penny, and often they looked careworn and distressed, 
but I just smiled all the same. 

The remaining summer months soon slipped by, and in 
September we moved to town. Mandy and I went in the 
buggy, leading the procession, and Jake and the hired man 
each with a wagon-load of furniture following, with the 
Jersey cow tied behind the wagon, and good old Rover 
barking and frisking around, feeling just about as proud as 
his master. We were soon nicely settled in our cosy little 
h.oiae, where we expected to spend the remainder of bur 
days, for, after the expiration of my term of office, I should 
have plenty of money to keep me and Mandy in luxury the 
rest of our natural lives. I now felt at peace with all the 
world, and was ready to enjoy the remainder of my life in 
contentment. 

By the time we were comfortably settled in our new 
home the week was gone, and the Sabbath day, with its 
beautiful September smile and invigorating breeze, that was 
so welcome after the long hot days of the summer, arrived. 
This was to be our first day to attend church in town — to 
make our dehut, as it were. While we were discussing the 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


83 


matter, the church bell rang out soft and low on the Septem- 
ber air, and its slow and solemn ring seemed a plaintive 
welcome to us to come and join in the services, which we 
hastened to do. 


7 


84 


THl^ KANSAS FARMER TN POLITICS 


CHAPTER XV. 

On arriving at the church, we were soon comfortably 
seated by the usher (a very nice young man, who seemed to 
be very anxious to make us comfortable), but our surround- 
ings were so much different from what we had been accus- 
tomed to that we did not enjoy the services as much as in 
the little chapel on the hill. There seemed to exist a slight 
feeling of curiosity on the part of the congregation that 
made us feel a little uncomfortable. Sly glances were direct- 
ed toward us, but I suppose it was on account of our country 
appearance. After services were over, we had a very nice 
time, as we had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of 
many of the best people in the town, including the minister. 
He seemed to be very glad to make our acquaintance, and 
wanted to sell us a pew for the year. 

^‘Here, Brother Doolittle, is a pew that is worth fifty 
dollars a year, that will just suit you. It is very close to the 
altar, only Brother Gaff’s pew being nearer.” 

^^Yes, it is a very nice pew and nicely located, but the 
price is a little high. I believe I would rather take one a 
little farther back that will not be so dear.” 

^^That will not do. Brother Doolittle. You, as county 
treasurer, will want to occupy a pew that will become a man 
in your position, and this is just the one.” 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


85 


''Very well; I will accept it, and will do all I can to help 
along the good work.” 

So this matter was settled, and the following Sabbath 
found us located in our new pew at church, feeling very im- 
portant, as we felt that we were part of the upper ten. We 
had discarded our country apparel and were togged out in 
city style, I in my tailor-made suit and high hat and Mandy 
in her city-made dress and ten-dollar bonnet. I tell you we 
were fetching in the extreme, and at the top notch of the 
social swim. 

I gradually worked into the ways of the office, and in Oc- 
tober I assumed full control and began to draw that long- 
looked-for salary. I kept the clerk that had been in the office 
for so long, and, thus equipped, I started on my official 
career, wearing my official smile daily, and Farmer Doolittle 
was transformed into the smiling official; and I rejoiced that 
after forty years of the rough and thorny life of a farmer, I 
had now realized my fondest hopes; I was county treasurer, 
and my cup was full. 

While I was thus meditating, who should come in but 
Billy, whom I had not seen for some time. After the usual 
greetings, he said : 

"Well, Hi, we now have another campaign on hand, and 
I called to ask for a little help in the political field. We are 
having a very hard fight this fall. The Pops are making a 


86 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


desperate effort to capture the offices, and we need money ; 
so I called to see what you could do for us. 

'‘Why, Billy, I am not running for any office this year, 
and I don’t see why you should come to me; let those who 
want the offices foot the bill, as T did in my campaign. But 
if it is absolutely necessary, I will help you a little. How 
much do you expect from me?” 

"It is customary for the county treasurer to pay about 
one hundred dollars to the camj)aign fund each year, and I 
expected that much from you; but, as you haven’t drawn 
any salary yet, I will let you off with seventy-five dollars 
this fall, and that is letting you down easy, considering 
your position.” 

"All right, Billy; I will pay you seventy -five dollars for 
the campaign fund, but I want that to release me for this 
fall, as I have several charitable obligations to meet.” 

"Very well, Hi; that will be satisfactory; v»^e will try to 
squeeze through, but I am very doubtful about our being 
able to pull all our candidates through, as the silver agitation 
has made money very scarce; everybody seems to be scared 
and all are hoarding their money, which makes it very hard 
for us to secure money at the bank to carry on the campaign. 
If McKinley is elected President, prosperity will smile on us 
again.” 

Feeling that this would be the last call upon me for 
money during this campaign, I again resumed my work at 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 87 

the desk, and, as the time for paying the first half of the tax 
was drawing near and the work was new to me, it was quite 
a difficult task; in fact, at times, I felt like throwing up 
the job. 

When such thoughts entered my mind, they were soon 
chased away by that proud, important feeling that perme- 
ated my whole body, assisted by the flattery of the fellows 
that had an axe to grind. Thus, as time passed, I gradually 
Avorked my way up in society, Mandy and I adopting the 
city fashions and I getting to be a very liberal contributor 
to all charitable demands. I do not know whether it was 
the money, or the fine dress we had adopted, or our real 
worth that elevated us to our position, but we were soon 
at the top of the ladder. 


88 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER XVI. 

Now, of course, I wanted to make money, and make it 
fast, so I associated myself with a syndicate, of which 
Brother Gaff, the banker, was president and general man- 
ager. The object of our association was for the purpose of 
making investments in real estate in some of the booming 
towns, and scooping in a few thousand dollars. I suggested 
to Brother Gaff that we pay in full for all property we 
bought; then I thought we would be safe. He objected to 
this, and said it would require too much capital; that it 
would be better for us to buy equities, as that would re- 
quire less money, and as the towns boomed we could sell 
equities, take the advance, and make big money with small 
capital. So it was agreed that we would deal in equities. 
Brother Gaff seemed to be on the inside of several good 
deals of this kind. He made several very promising deals 
in Kansas City, Mo., and other towns; some in Memphis, 
and one investment in Galveston. Mr. Gaff said that the 
Galveston deal was a bonanza, as he had a close friend 
down there who made the deal, and he knew it would be 
a winner. We would have several thousand dollars in it, 
sure. The land we bought in Galveston lay right close to 
the Gulf shore, and they would be sure to want it for 
wharfage purposes. In fact, the transportation companies 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS, 


89 


would be compelled to buy it at our price. So we in- 
structed Brother Gaff to pay for it in full. This completed 
our investments. I was a little short of cash to meet my 
part, so I borrowed a few thousand of Brother Gaff s bank 
for a short time, until we should begin to realize on our 
investments. 

While feeling very proud of my office now, I had added 
another feather to my cap: I belonged to a syndicate. I 
would sit up nights and figure on my possible wealth; and 
if I needed any more money to tide the investment over a 
possible shrinkage in value. Brother Gaff was ready to fur- 
nish me with all I wanted. It seemed to me that there was 
no possible chance of loss, and life was now worth living. 
The sweet draughts of expectancy I had been drinking 
seemed to give me new life, and the old feeling of care and 
constant watching in fear of making a bad deal had all dis- 
appeared, and instead I felt sure of success. I was associ- 
ated with men of superior financial ability, they had always 
met with success in their deals; and I became so ab- 
sorbed in our investments that I almost forgot about the 
election. I was, however, reminded of it one day by a call 
from Billy, asking for another donation of fifty dollars to 
the campaign fund. The future seemed to hold such unlim- 
ited wealth which was almost in my possession that I met 
this demand without any hesitation ; and the election, 
though very exciting to those directly interested, passed off 


90 the KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS, 

and was soon a thing of the past. McKinley was elected, 
bnt the Eepublicans lost about half of the county offices 
and all of the State offices. But these things did not inter- 
est me much, for I was county treasurer and a member of 
a large syndicate. 

The wave of prosperity that was sure to follow the 
election of McKinley would increase the value of real es- 
tate, and we would soon all be bloated bondholders. I was 
so wrapped up in my future success that I contributed five 
dollars instead of one to the missionary fund on the earnest 
solicitation of our pastor. 

On the 1st of March following McKinley was inaug- 
urated President, and numerous changes of postmasters 
and other appointive officers began, which in some in- 
stances created quite a factional war, especially in our 
town. It seemed that all the boys wanted the postoftice, 
and all were good friends of mine. So the first thing that I 
knew I had signed three or four petitions and one or twm 
remonstrances and was getting very badly mixed. All of a 
sudden, and to the great surprise of a majority of the peo- 
ple, the selection of postmaster was made. It was not what 
we had expected, but, after I reviewed the w^hole situation, 
it was all very clear to me, for the party receiving the ap- 
pointment was Billy’s man, and it was he that did the work 
and guided the hidden hand that always pointed to success. 
The man that Billy was for was sure to win. 



A CLEAN SHAVE. 




















THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


91 


In a short time everything was quietly settled and we 
again resumed our business. The new postmaster soon took 
charge of the office, and gave very good satisfaction. I got 
along fine with my office. The board of examiners examined 
my books and pronounced them all correct, although it was 
pretty hard for me to keep the different funds from getting 
mixed. The road fund wanted to get its nose stuck in the 
school fund, and the school fund tried to mix with the rail- 
road fund; but, with the help of the office girl, we had man- 
aged to keep them in their proper columns. 

Spring came and went, and the summer, sweetly smil- 
ing with all its fruits and flowers that make us feel glad 
it is our good fortune to live, arrived. 

Mandy and I had not visited Jake very often, as our 
time w^as pretty well taken up by our social duties and we 
cared very little about the farm, as we never expected to 
return to it. 

Fall soon arrived, and another campaign was on hand, 
and of course I wanted the nomination again for county 
treasurer ; in fact, I must have it. So far I had not been able 
to save very much of my salary or realize on any of my in- 
vestments, except one small dividend of two and a half per 
cent on my bank stock. This did not help me very much. I 
at once enlisted the services of Billy, as I considered him in- 
dispensable in a campaign. Billy came to me very quietly 
this time, stating his proposition frankly. It was conceded 


92 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


that I should have the office a second term, and there was no 
candidate against me for nomination. He would see me 
through the campaign for two hundred and fifty dollars, and 
I could just stay in the office — perhaps go out a few nights to 
school-house meetings. 

So I closed the deal with Billy on the spot, and if he had 
said five hundred dollars I would have given it, for I must 
have the office in order to carry out my plans. As I had 
all my money invested, I went over to Brother Graff’s bank 
and made the necessary arrangements to give Billy the two 
hundred and fifty dollars, and he quietly managed my 
campaign. That left me more time to keep up my social 
relations and keep up with society fashions in a way becom- 
ing to a man of my standing. There was one fashion 
that I felt I must adopt that worried me a great deal: that 
was the McKinley fashion of shaving smooth; but, after 
debating the propriety of a clean shave with Mandy for 
several nights, and she giving her consent with much en- 
thusiasm, I finally decided to go to the barber and have a 
clean shave. As I walked down the street caressing my 
grand old beard, that had adorned my face for nearly forty 
years, my courage almost failed me and my eyes filled with 
tears as I smoothed out my beard with my hands for the last 
time, and bade it farewell. ^^Farewell, old friend, farewell,” 
I said ; ^^you must be sacrificed to fashion’s fad.” 

In a few minutes we had parted — me and my whiskers ; 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


93 


and with a slow stei) and a sad heart I went diredtly home, 
for I wanted to see how Mandy would feel about it, as she 
had not seen me without guy whiskers since we left Ohio. 
When I came into her presence, her face was radiant with 
smiles as she approached me, and, laying her hand on my 
shoulder, exclaimed: 

“Why, Hi! you look just like Billy McKinley, and 
twenty years younger.” 

Such a welcome and pleasant meeting with my wife 
gave me courage to face the rest of mankind. 


94 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER XVII. 

On tlie following day I returned to my office, where 
several of my best friends hardly recognized me under the 
changed conditions. I must confess that I hardly knew my- 
self. In fact, I would pinch myself every few minutes to see 
if it was really I or someone else. 

Election was rapidly approaching, but the campaign 
seemed to create very little excitement — at least for me. 
Once in a while I went out with the boys of nights to the 
country, and gave my fellow-farmers a little talk. Billy con 
fided in me, telling me how nicely he had his political 
machine working, and also informed me that it had under- 
gone a great change; that he had thrown away a great many 
of the fellows that were in the deal two years ago, and had 
enlisted new men. The old ones goit too smart — they actu- 
ally wanted to be compensated for their services; so he 
enlisted new men who would be content to work for the 
honor of being in politics, and that suited him, as he could 
take care of all the cash that came into his hands from candi- 
dates. Billy seemed to think he had a cinch on the local 
offices politically for all time to come. 

Finally the campaign was over, and I was again elected 
county treasurer, which pleased me very much. I thought 
I could see that Billy’s grip was gradually giving way. Of 


TilE KA-^EAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


96 


course I did not contemplate asking the county for the 
office again, for I had my political aspirations some- 
what elevated. I would either run for State senator or for 
Congress, or become president of the syndicate that I was 
interested in. But I thought sure I should try for Congress, 
as I thought our county was entitled to have the congress- 
man for this district, and I thought my chances would be 
good. 


96 


THE KANEAE FARMER IX POLITICS. 


CHAPTER XVIII. 

Thus wrapped up in my aspirations and bright antici- 
pations of the future, I spent another year ; and when I look 
back on that one particular year of my life and think how 
I revelled in its pleasures at peace with myself and all the 
world, enjoying all the luxuries of life, it does not seem 
l)ossible — but nevertheless it is true — that it contained the 
seeds of destruction, and I unconsciously drank them down ; 
until at last their virile and vigorous growth caused them 
to reach a magnitude wMch forced their presence upon my 
attention, and a sickening shadow of the coming dissolu- 
tion of my financial strength had fallen upon me. At the 
end of the year my expense account was greater than my 
income. I had not realized on any of my investments, and 
I could see very plainly that I must cut down expenses. 
I found this to be a very hard undertaking. When I at- 
tempted to curtail my benevolent donations, which I did, 1 
also lost my place of honor, and I could feel myself gradu- 
ally sliding down the social scale; and just about this time 
my troubles began. 

The banks that had the county money, throiugh some 
hitch between them and the county board, refused to keep 
it longer, and it was thrown back on me, and as the amount 
was very large and the facilities for its safety not of the 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


97 


best, I was compelled to employ a guard both day and night. 
This added to my expense, and, with all this precaution, 1 
was very much worried and could not sleep. 

Just at this time yellow fever broke out in Memphis, 
which had a very depressing effect on real estate values, 
and our e(iuity there entirely disappeared. After a meeting 
of the officers of the syndicate, we decided to let it go, as it 
seemed none of us had the money to put up if we had been 
so inclined. Even Brother Gaff reported money very close, 
and said he would be compelled to draw in some of his loans. 
He thought, however, that we would tide over all right, as 
we still had our Kansas City and Galveston property. In 
the course of his remarks he said : 

^^Of course, if times keep getting harder, our profits 
in the Kansas City property will be smaller, and there- 
fore I think it policy to keep up the interest on the loan 
until times change. The city is building very fast, and as 
we have a few tenants in the building, I think we had bet- 
ter hold for a short time. As to our Galveston property, it 
gives us no bother. It is all paid for. We have just had a 
letter from our agent, and he says the jetty is nearly com- 
pleted and the great masts of the large ocean steamers are 
getting nearer to our property every day, and he feels sure 
we will receive a large price for it in the near future.’’ 

I must confess this was good news to me, as I was get- 
ting somewhat financially embarrassed and a little shaky. 

8 — 


98 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


Brother Gaff intimated that he would be compelled to reduce 
his loans, and I, as a heavy borrower, felt I would be called 
on to pay part of my notes. This would be almost impossi- 
ble, unless I could realize on some of my investments. 1 
could feel hard times coming my way. I did not possess 
the tranquil feeling I had on the farm. In fact, I could 
not sleep as sound, and thoughts of the old farm and the 
peaceful life I had there were continually creeping into my 
mind. I recalled the many happy evenings I had enjoyed 
around the pleasant fireside after a hard day’s work; knowing 
the stock was all comfortably housed, my mind was at rest, 
and I could sleep the sweet sleep that no one knows but 
the good farmer. Now I was worried both day and night, 
and was almost ready to admit that there is more pleasure 
in pursuit of office than in possession. 

Oh, how grand did our Creator create man! — with a 
mind in which he can store away the pleasant occurrences 
of life, and in after years can recall them and have a visit 
with the past. 

Alas! life is too short to permit me to dwell on those 
pleasant memories. I was awakened from my mid-day dream 
by the arrival at my office of my friend Billy, who had been 
looking up the political situation. 

^‘Brother Hi, you are aware of the fact that this is the 
year to elect your successor; you have made us a No. 1 


THE KAHSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


99 


treasurer for two terms. I just called to see if you wished 
to succeed yourself.'’ 

'‘Thank you, Billy, for your kindness; but I must admit 
I am in a very embarrassing position. I would like to have 
the office again, but, in the first place, it has not been the 
custom for the county treasurer to hold the office more than 
two terms, and I fear it would be an unpopular move. In the 
second place, I haven’t the money to make a successful 
campaign, and am very seriously contemplating abandoning 
politics.” 

“Well, Brother Hi, I have a very nice fellow in line for 
this office, but he is not very flush with this world’s goods, 
so I suppose you will help us out in a financial way, as you 
have enjoyed the receipts of the office for two terms.” 

“No, no, Billy; I can’t put any more money into politics. 
I want to lay away a few dollars to keep me and my wife 
in our declining years.” 

“Hiram Doolittle! you surely are not going to show the 
white feather and go back on us after holding the best office 
in the county for four years. I never set you down as that 
kind of a miserly politician. You have always shown a 
flush hand when it came to the cash, and I am very much 
surprised at the stand you now^ take in this campaign. I 
tell you now. Hi, if you persist in following this course,, 
you can’t expect any favors from the political machine that 
grinds out the offices.” 


100 


THE KAUfEAB FARMER IN POLITICS. 


“Very well, Billy — or Mr. Skinner, I should say; I fully 
iindersitand the political ostracism this course will briug me. 
Nevertheless, niy tinancial condition is such that it is una- 
voidable, and I hope you will deal with me as leniently as 
possible.’’ 

“Doolittle, you are trying to run a bluff on me. Now if 
I didn’t know you had a farm out in Pickway Township, you 
might perhaps blow me that way, but such talk won’t go 
here; you must give us financial aid in this campaign.” 

“I beg your pardon, Mr. Skinner; I have no farm in Pick- 
way nor any other property, as I gave my farm to Jake when 
I was elected to this office, and so far I have failed to save 
anything out of my salary. I have a few investments that I 
hope v/ill prove profitable in the future, so I think in time I 
may regain niy financial standing.” 

“Very well, Mr. Doolittle; but I tell 3 0U now your name 
is Dennis in politics.” 

So, for the need of a few dollars, Skinner and I must 
part. Alas! alas! such is political friendship! 

The campaign started in early, and while I was not in 
the fight, I kept one eye open to watch the movements, and T 
saw a rough-and-tumble fight between Billy, as champion of 
the machine, and the dear people on the other side. Some- 
times the machine had the best of it, and at other times the 
people, but it appeared to me that Billy was losing his grip. 
I shall endeavor to record the facts as they occurred impar- 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


101 


tially. As the time drew near for the fall convention, I 
heard that the people had captured everything; and sure 
enough, when the convention was called, the people found 
they had conitrol, and they proceeded to organize, and they 
went over the machine fellows rough-shod. For some time 
the convention was a perfect rabble; every time the people 
could give the machine fellows a stab, they did so; and every 
time the machine men could give them a cut, they did not let 
the opportunity pass. After three or four hours of strife, the 
people finally succeeded in capturing the nominations, very 
much to the disappointment of Billy. After the convention 
was over, I could hear mutterings of what they would do at 
election, and it seemed to me as though the Pops would 
secure all the ofiQces in the county on account of the disagree- 
ment in our ranks. However, before election our differences 
were somewhat patched up, and we elected about half the 
officers. 

For me there were several grave disappointments in 
store. It seemed, try as hard as I could, that it was almost 
impossible to meet the different demands made on me for 
money. My salary would melt away like a snow-bank in a 
July sun, and I still found my income short of the demands. 
Several times I was on the eve of confessing to Jake and 
soliciting help from him, but pride and my wife prevented 
it. Mand}^ and I had resolved that, no matter what came 
to pass, we would not tell Jake, and under this resolution 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


102 

we decided to sell the sorrel team and carriage in order to 
meet present demands, offering as an excuse to Jake the 
expense of keeping them was too great. We sold the sorrel 
team to a horse-buyer from Kansas City for two hundred 
dollars, and the carriage to a private party for fifty dollars. 
I preferred to sell the team to a Kansas City man, for I felt 
that I had some interest there. 

With this money we met our temporary needs, and 1 
resolved to see Brother Gaff and see when he thought we 
would be able to realize on our Kansas City property; but 
when I saw him, I received very little consolation. He 
was not as hopeful of the outcome as formerly, and said : 

^^Most of our tenants have moved away to new quar- 
ters near the heart of the city, and we are not receiving 
sufficient rent to meet the interest and taxes, and I think it 
necessary to call the members of the syndicate together for 
the purpose of making an assessment to pay the deficiency.’’ 

I must say this was very cold comfort, and I began to 
feel misgivings about being a member of a syndicate, and at- 
tended the meeting very reluctantly. There were only a few 
members present at the meeting, not enough to transact 
business, so we discussed the matter informally. The inter- 
est coupons came due in a few days, and, if not paid, the 
property would be sold. We did not feel like meeting an as- 
sessment, and practically decided to let it sell if Brother 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. |03 

Gaff found it impossible to dispose of our equity before that 
time. 

He assured us our Galveston property was all right, 
and, thank the Lord! it was no equity; we owned it in full, 
and siurely would receive something out of it. 

I still felt we would get out all right if only times 
would improve a little, but this had been a very discourag- 
ing year for me — the last of my term. The bank had failed 
to pay any dividend for several months. Every avenue of 
income for me seemed to be closed, except my salary as 
treasurer. 

I assumed a bold front and tried hard to meet all de- 
mands, but I sj)ent many a sleepless night devising plans to 
meet my obligations and keep my real financial condition a 
secret from Jake. He was doing well on the farm, although 
he had not had very good seasons to produce crops, but 
he was accumulating plenty of cattle and hogs and other 
property. 

I managed to pull through the winter in some way, I 
hardly know how. And that smile — oh! it is only a memory 
of the past, as it is never with me now. Ah! kind reader, 
it has taken wings and flown far, far away, and left my face 
sad and strewn with the marks of care and anxiety, looking 
more like a marble statue than a man of social and political 
influence. 


101 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER XIX. 

My kind reader, do not flatter yourself with the idea 
that all is smooth sailing in the political or oflicial boat, for 
you are sure to meet with breakers, and oh, the misery that 
follows such a voyage! There, there! I am visiting with my 
past again. I must not worry you with that. 

I was aroused from my revery by our good pastor, who 
called to make a little collection for some missionary work 
he was very much interested in, and I contributed my. mite, 
endeavoring to appear cheerful and happy, and to all out- 
ward appearances I was; but of the inner self, how it was 
struggling and grieving over my misfortunes, which seemed 
too heavy to bear! 

After consulting with my wife, we concluded to sell our 
house in town, retaining possession until the expiration of 
my term of office. We were very lucky in flnding a pur- 
chaser and one that would keep the deal to himself. I felt 
sure this would tide us over until we could realize on our 
Galveston property or make some other turn. I went to see 
Rrother Gaff, and requested him to dispose of my bank 
stock, as I wanted to settle part of my obligation at the 
bank; I had paid part from the proceeds of my house. He 
talked very encouragingly to me, but at the same time his 
face did not bear a very encouraging appearance. It con- 


TEE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


105 


veyed the impression that there was something wrong which 
it was not my privilege to know at present. We still held 
our pew in the church, as we did not want to give that up. I 
must confess, however, I was getting very tired of society 
and its various fads. 

The summer having passed and fall arriving, another 
campaign was on hand. I had almost forgotten there was 
such a thing, as the boys had discarded me since I had 
stopped putting up the cash; but there was an election just 
the same. Kansas could not exist one year without an 
election. 

I was called on one day to explain to one of my farm.er 
friends why it is that we have an election every year. 

‘‘Why not have it every two years,” he said, “and elect 
the officers all at one time?” 

I tried to explain the situation to him to the best of my 
ability, and in doing so I said: 

“It would be all right for the people and tax payers, but 
my friend, the politicians can’t alford to wait that long. 
They would be compelled to wear clothes that were thread- 
bare and their families would suffer for fuel and something 
to eat through the cold winter. Just think how humiliating 
this would be to a first-class politician like Billy! — going 
around with his pants worn out at the knees and his elbows 
protruding through his coat-sleeves. No, no, my friend, the 
people of Kansas would much rather have an election semi- 


106 


THE KAHSAS FARMER IN POLITICS, 


annually than see the poor politicians suffer such privations 
and want/^ 

‘‘Yes, my friend, but I want to know how that will 
benefit me as a tax payer. For my part, I fail to see any 
benefits to be gained by the people of Kansas by having an- 
nual elections. As to the welfare of the politicians, let 
them look up some other means of livelihood. What I want 
is what I think will be of the greatest benefit to the majority 
of the people.’’ 

“My friend, I see you are not very well posted on politi- 
cal affairs, or you are contemplating running for office, as 
you seem to have the welfare of the people at heart. Such 
appeals for the welfare of the people sound very much like 
campaign talk. The welfare of the people seems to be a 
secondary consideration. Another point in favor of annual 
elections is the fact that it keeps the politicians in close 
touch with the dear people; whereas, if we had an election 
only every two years, I fear the relations between the poli- 
ticians and the people would become strained, cold, and void 
of any excitement.” 

Still my explanation did not appear very satisfactory , as 
he shook his head and walked away. 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


107 


CHAPTER XX. 

Just then Brother Gaff came in to inform me that he 
had received a letter from our agent in Galveston, which 
stated they had been visited by one of the worst storms that 
had ever occurred there; the breakers rolled inland from the 
Gulf fifteen feet high, doing great damage to the jetties, 
elevators, and warehouses near the levee, and ‘T am very 
sorry to inform you that after the storm I went down to look 
after the real estate — and it was gone! the Gulf had swal- 
lowed it up and extended the water-line several hundred feet 
inland.^^ 

This was such shocking news that I could feel my great 
expectations sinking, sinking, lower and lower. Now the 
Galveston property, of which I had expected so much — was 
it too really gone? This, the source from which I had hoped 
for sufficient means to patch up my financial condition! I 
completely lost my nerve and sought a secluded place, and 
there alone wept like a child, for it seemed to me that every- 
thing was against me, and there was real want staring me in 
the face. But this was not all. Only a few mornings later, 
as I was coming to my office, 1 passed the bank and I saw a 
notice on the door. My dear reader, I expect you have seen 
such notices yourself and know the effect they produce on 


108 the ka^sa^ farmer in politics. 

one who owns stock in the bank and becomes liable under 
the law. The notice read like this : 

^‘This Bank is closed and in the hands of the 
Bank Commissioner.^^ 

This was noit a very lengthy notice, but its effect was 
soon felt, and it kept on feeling for quite awhile. On investi- 
gation, I found that Brother Gaff had gone — yes, gone! no 
one knew where; perhaps he was a fugitive from justice. 
Time only can tell. His pew at the church wears a sad and 
empty appearance. 

After so many disasters, coming one after the other, 1 
was perfectly bewildered. 

The following Sabbath we attended church as usual, 
but I could only listen in a mechanical way. My thoughts 
were all on my terrible and distressing condition. From my 
salary, of which I had expected so much, I had saved noth- 
ing, and all my investments were gone and my term of office 
was just expiring. This left me in desperate straits. 

In a few months my term of office expired and my last 
avenue of income w'as closed. Thank the Lord! it checked 
over to my successor all right. That was one consolation. 

Now how was I to make a living for me and Mandy? 
We discussed several different schemes, and finally con 
eluded to rent the house in which we were living for a short 
time, and we traded a bureau and four parlor chairs to a 
delivery-man for his team and delivery wagon. I contem- 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


109 


plated going into the delivery business; but, after all ar- 
rangements were made to do so, Mandy concluded it would 
not look well for a man of my age and an ex-county treas- 
urer to go into such a business, so I abandoned the idea, and 
Mandy suggested that I go into the real estate business. 
That seems to be the occupation about all the ex-officials 
adopt. I began to look around for a suitable office. I was 
sick at heart and continually bemoaned my misfortunes, and 
felt that if I could get away from town I could leave most 
of my troubles behind, and there sprang up in me a longing 
for the good old farm home, and pride alone prevented me 
from asking Jake to permit me to return. It seemed as 
though I could not face Jake and tell him of my condition: 
but poverty was driving me to desperation and almost nerv- 
ous prostration, until Mandy became alarmed and suggested 
I write to Jake. She was sure Jake would treat us right, 
and she said: 

^^You worry so, Hiram, I am very much alarmed, and 
fear something terrible will happen to you. I feel sure Jake 
will let us come back to the farm and live.” 

don’t know, Mandy ; but, as I am about to the end of 
my string, I suppose the best thing to do is to succumb to 
your argument and write the boy. I don’t think I could tell 
him the whole truth face to face.” 


110 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


CHAPTER XXL 

As the result of my conversation with Mandy detailed 
in the last chapter, I wrote Jake the following letter : 

dear Son: As my term of office has expired and I 
am once more at liberty, I have a great desire to return to 
the good old farm, and I write to ask your permission to 
come back. Your mother and I will be perfectly contented 
with the two small rooms over the kitchen, and will make 
3'Ou as little trouble as possible. I hope you will not refuse 
our request, as you cannot realize the great pleasure it 
would give us to be back on the old farm again. It seems 
to me now it would be a very pleasant place to live. Yes, 
Jake, I long to hear the shrill call of the bob white in the 
orchard and be lulled to sleep by the song of the katydid. 

“Hoping to soon receive a favorable reply, I remain, 
“Your affectionate Father. 

You can scarcely comprehend the anxiety with which 
we awaited the reply, that was received in a very few days, 
but the time seemed like months to us in our nervous and 
anxious expectancy. We thought and talked of nothing else 
until the letter was received. And such a letter! Instead 
of granting our request to occupy the two small rooms, Jake 
welcomed us home as the father did the prodigal son. The 
following is the letter received from Jake: 


THE KANSAS FARMER IN POLITICS. 


Ill 


‘‘Pickway Township, October, 18 — . 

‘‘My dear Father: I received your letter conveying your 
desire to return to the farm, and must say I am very much 
surprised at your request to occupy the two small rooms over 
the kitchen, as I have entertained no other thought than that 
you would take your accustomed place at the head of the 
family, if you so desired, at the expiration of your term of 
office. Oh no, father, not the two rooms, but the whole 
house. You are welcome back, and I shall eadeavor to make 
your declining days as pleasant as possible. On your return 
we will kill the fatted calf and have a great feast. My work 
is such just now that I cannot come for you for a few days, 
but I will do so as soon as possible. 

“Your affectionate son, JakeJ^ 

At first we were very much overjoyed at this good news. 
Then I began to brood over my great loss, and then I became 
cross and continually bewailed my misfortune, until Mandy 
reprimanded me in the following manner: 

“Hiram, I don’t want to hear any more wailing about 
your political misfortunes. Just look along down this politi- 
cal road and you will see hundreds of poor cast-off politicians 
strewn along the pathway that are virtually political tramps, 
begging a political crumb here and there, and no place to go ; 
and you. Hi, are welcomed back to your dear old home by a 
dutiful son. Oh no. Hi; thank God for your rescue from the 
political arena. You may yet spend many happy days on the 


112 THE KAUfEAE FARMER IN POLITICS. 

dear old farm. Think how nice it will be to once more at 
tend church in the little chapel on the hill, and how we will 
enjoy it after this sad lesson.’’ 

So I composed myself as best 1 could; but we were grow- 
ing very anxious to get away from town, and concluded we 
would not wait for Jake to come for us. We had disposed 
of the greater part of our furniture, so we packed our trunks 
and carted the remainder of our furniture to the second-hand 
store and sold it, and, hitching up the ponies to the delivery 
wagon I had traded for, and tying the Jeisey cow on behind, 
we called old dog Rover and started for the faun, not s) 
triumphant as we came, but sadder and wiser. 

AVhen we arrived at the farm, we received a very cordial 
welcome from Jake, and he was very much surprised at our 
forlorn appearance, but never uttered one word of reproach 
nor questioned me in the least. However, I have always 
thought he surmised the whole truth, and, believing my 
experience dearly bought, he refrained from ever mentioning 
the matter. 

And now we are once more on the good old farm, not as 
owners and proprietors, but as honored guesits of Jake, 
spending our declining years in peace and quiet, and I feel 
like singing: 

In the rifted rock I ’m resting, 

Free and safe from all alarm; 

Feeling sure that politics 

Will never more do me any harm. 



RETURNING TO THE FARM. 










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